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It's been mere hours since Democrats won control of the House of Representatives, and Donald Trump is in a bad fucking mood. First he gave a whinyass crybaby GRRR ARGH press conference, and now he has followed through on what he's been threatening for months now. He has quit-fired Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Twitter, and announced that he's sticking one of his personal ass-lickers in as acting attorney general.


Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit! Is it time to take the streets now? Yes, yes it is!

Sessions's resignation letter begins with the words "at your request," as if to make crystal clear that Trump fired him. And while we knew this was coming, as Trump has been abusing Sessions and trying to fire him for recusing himself from the Russia investigation for AGES, this is still really, really bad.

But wait, shouldn't the deputy attorney general, Rod Rosenstein, become the acting attorney general, instead of Matthew Whitaker? Hahahahaha well that's how things should go, but Trump hates Rosenstein, and he'll probably fire him on Twitter later tonight.

Because of the way this was done -- because Sessions technically resigned instead of getting fired -- Trump was able to legally nominate Whitaker, and because of that, it seems Whitaker is indeed next in line to oversee the Russia investigation, according to legal types on Twitter:

And according to DOJ reporter Ryan Reilly, Rosenstein has indeed been relieved of his duties in overseeing the investigation:

BREAK THE FUCKING GLASS.

Here's why. We already know what Whitaker thinks of the Mueller investigation, because he wrote a CNN opinion piece about just that last year!

A snippet, to piss you off:

It does not take a lawyer or even a former federal prosecutor like myself to conclude that investigating Donald Trump's finances or his family's finances falls completely outside of the realm of his 2016 campaign and allegations that the campaign coordinated with the Russian government or anyone else. That goes beyond the scope of the appointment of the special counsel.

In fact, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein's letter appointing special counsel Robert Mueller does not give Mueller broad, far-reaching powers in this investigation. He is only authorized to investigate matters that involved any potential links to and coordination between two entities -- the Trump campaign and the Russian government. People are wrongly pointing to, and taking out of context, the phrase "any matters that arose or may arise directly from the investigation" to characterize special counsel's authority as broad.

Whitaker has suggested the idea of killing the Mueller investigation by starving it of funding, and he thinks Donald Trump Jr.'s Big Hilarious Treason Trump Tower Meeting was totally a great idea, and he would have taken that meeting himself, if he were the deformed firstborn son of President Shitbag!

One would think that in a sane world, if any of these people respected the rule of law, Whitaker would go ahead and recuse himself from overseeing the investigation, based on these statements alone. But this is not a normal or sane world and the Trump administration loves nothing more than fucking the rule of law without lube.

Whitaker has been bragging about how he was about to get a big promotion for a while now, but it seemed like he thought he was going to get Rod Rosenstein's job. Surprise, he's getting an even bigger promotion! We're also still pretty sure Whitaker was at the very least involved in the leak about Rosenstein threatening to do "wire tapps" to Trump, that the New York Times so grossly misinterpreted.

We sure do hope Robert Mueller has everything ready to go and has pressed his "OH SHIT!" button, because there are many criminals yet to be indicted, like for instance DON JUNIOR. Some people are hopeful about JUST THAT:

Holy shit, there better be Robert Mueller Booby Traps.

And we hope Elijah Cummings and Jerrold Nadler and the rest of the incoming Democratic committee chairs are getting their Subpoena Pants on, because Trump attempting to take control of the Russia investigation by firing the recused Jeff Sessions and sticking in an un-recused loyalist as acting AG is blatant obstruction of justice. Also, elections have consequences, and this is why it's a fucking BLESSING that the Democrats now control the House:

You know, unless Whitaker fires Mueller for no fucking reason before the new Congress is seated in January.

For more on what smart lawyer types think about Trump's firing of Jeff Sessions and its implications for the Mueller investigation, check out this handy Twitter list we made of the smartest smarty pantses on Legal Twitter.

Buckle up. Shit is about to get real. As to your MoveOn rapid responses Mueller/Rosenstein-firing street riots, the answer is: STAND THE FUCK BY.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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