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It's been mere hours since Democrats won control of the House of Representatives, and Donald Trump is in a bad fucking mood. First he gave a whinyass crybaby GRRR ARGH press conference, and now he has followed through on what he's been threatening for months now. He has quit-fired Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Twitter, and announced that he's sticking one of his personal ass-lickers in as acting attorney general.


Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit! Is it time to take the streets now? Yes, yes it is!

Sessions's resignation letter begins with the words "at your request," as if to make crystal clear that Trump fired him. And while we knew this was coming, as Trump has been abusing Sessions and trying to fire him for recusing himself from the Russia investigation for AGES, this is still really, really bad.

But wait, shouldn't the deputy attorney general, Rod Rosenstein, become the acting attorney general, instead of Matthew Whitaker? Hahahahaha well that's how things should go, but Trump hates Rosenstein, and he'll probably fire him on Twitter later tonight.

Because of the way this was done -- because Sessions technically resigned instead of getting fired -- Trump was able to legally nominate Whitaker, and because of that, it seems Whitaker is indeed next in line to oversee the Russia investigation, according to legal types on Twitter:

And according to DOJ reporter Ryan Reilly, Rosenstein has indeed been relieved of his duties in overseeing the investigation:

BREAK THE FUCKING GLASS.

Here's why. We already know what Whitaker thinks of the Mueller investigation, because he wrote a CNN opinion piece about just that last year!

A snippet, to piss you off:

It does not take a lawyer or even a former federal prosecutor like myself to conclude that investigating Donald Trump's finances or his family's finances falls completely outside of the realm of his 2016 campaign and allegations that the campaign coordinated with the Russian government or anyone else. That goes beyond the scope of the appointment of the special counsel.

In fact, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein's letter appointing special counsel Robert Mueller does not give Mueller broad, far-reaching powers in this investigation. He is only authorized to investigate matters that involved any potential links to and coordination between two entities -- the Trump campaign and the Russian government. People are wrongly pointing to, and taking out of context, the phrase "any matters that arose or may arise directly from the investigation" to characterize special counsel's authority as broad.

Whitaker has suggested the idea of killing the Mueller investigation by starving it of funding, and he thinks Donald Trump Jr.'s Big Hilarious Treason Trump Tower Meeting was totally a great idea, and he would have taken that meeting himself, if he were the deformed firstborn son of President Shitbag!

One would think that in a sane world, if any of these people respected the rule of law, Whitaker would go ahead and recuse himself from overseeing the investigation, based on these statements alone. But this is not a normal or sane world and the Trump administration loves nothing more than fucking the rule of law without lube.

Whitaker has been bragging about how he was about to get a big promotion for a while now, but it seemed like he thought he was going to get Rod Rosenstein's job. Surprise, he's getting an even bigger promotion! We're also still pretty sure Whitaker was at the very least involved in the leak about Rosenstein threatening to do "wire tapps" to Trump, that the New York Times so grossly misinterpreted.

We sure do hope Robert Mueller has everything ready to go and has pressed his "OH SHIT!" button, because there are many criminals yet to be indicted, like for instance DON JUNIOR. Some people are hopeful about JUST THAT:

Holy shit, there better be Robert Mueller Booby Traps.

And we hope Elijah Cummings and Jerrold Nadler and the rest of the incoming Democratic committee chairs are getting their Subpoena Pants on, because Trump attempting to take control of the Russia investigation by firing the recused Jeff Sessions and sticking in an un-recused loyalist as acting AG is blatant obstruction of justice. Also, elections have consequences, and this is why it's a fucking BLESSING that the Democrats now control the House:

You know, unless Whitaker fires Mueller for no fucking reason before the new Congress is seated in January.

For more on what smart lawyer types think about Trump's firing of Jeff Sessions and its implications for the Mueller investigation, check out this handy Twitter list we made of the smartest smarty pantses on Legal Twitter.

Buckle up. Shit is about to get real. As to your MoveOn rapid responses Mueller/Rosenstein-firing street riots, the answer is: STAND THE FUCK BY.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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