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It's Like Attention-Starved Iran Doesn't Even Understand At ALL How Much It Snowed Here

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  • Germany and France will help out Greece so it does not have to default on its debt, which it is apparently on the verge of doing (?). [New York Times]
  • According to the impartial observer Iran, Iran has successfully enriched uranium. [Washington Post]
  • It is also the anniversary of Iran's 1979 revolution, and there just protesters everywhere, whose presence historically signals a protest. [Times Online]
  • The government estimates that 95,000 new jobs will be born this month! They will all be called "Kayla" or "Aidan." [Wall Street Journal]
  • The entire world will finally stop having such terrible weather, as seasonally appropriate snowfall will cease in the mid-Atlantic United States today. [CNN]
  • The Democrats are still going to hold that boring jobs summit, despite it being a snow day and that being not only 110% lame but also unfair and illegal. [The Hill]
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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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