IT'S MEATBALL-THIRTY, MOTHERF*CKERS! A Liveblog
It's happening, it's actually happening! Matthew "Meatball" Whitaker, the acting attorney general of the United States who's slightly less qualified for that position than a very dumb goat with brain syphilis, stopped his whining and finally agreed that yes, he will come before the House Judiciary Committee and get yelled at today. Hooray!
We previewed what happened in the run-up to the testimony right here, so catch up if you need to. The short version is that this fucking idiot was only appointed so he could be Trump's political hack in the Justice Department, and to do ONE JOB, which was to hurt the Robert Mueller investigation. Because let's be clear -- dude couldn't get Senate-confirmed for the position if he was the last fucking idiot in the world. Then, when Justice Department ethics lawyers said Meatball should recuse himself from that investigation, he told them to fuck off.
Anyway, Meatball just really didn't want to be forced to testify today if House Judiciary Committee chair Jerry Nadler was also going to insist on asking him QUESTIONS about his improper appointment, or any of his behavior since that appointment that might be tantamount to flushing the rule of law down one of his Big Peener Toilets, for men with the BIGGEST of dicks, who can't even poop without their dicks floating in the water.
Will Whitaker answer questions today, or will he make up stupid excuses about fake "executive privilege" and fart on his hand and smell it a lot? Hahahahaha probably the second thing. Let's watch and liveblog and see what Meatball's hand smells like today!
LIVE: Acting attorney general Matthew Whitaker testifies before the House Judiciary Committee www.youtube.com
9:36: GOOD MORNING! Jerry Nadler begins by reading a list of Meatball's stupid crimes. It is a list you are familiar with by now.
9:39: Hahaha, that idiot didn't even turn in his written testimony until midnight last night. He's only had the questions for this open book test for like two weeks, y'all.
9:42: You guys, bad news. The ruling Democrats have allowed Republicans to be on this committee. This is your ranking member, A Idiot from Georgia named Doug Collins. He is yelling about the PROCESS of Jerry Nadler threatening to subpoena Meatball's testimony, because COUNTRY TIME LEMONADE PEAS AND CARROTS GOSHDARNIT IT'S A OUTRAGE! Or something. We think that's what he's saying anyway.
9:46: Doug Collins says it is A OFFENSIVE STATEMENT to suggest that Meatball was only appointed to be a political hack! OFFENSIVE! A TRAVESTY! A CRIME AGAINST BABY JESUS!
This guy is doing a really fun show for that fuckhead in the White House right now.
9:48: Collins says the Democrats just want A PIECE OF MEATBALL!
Then he motioned to adjourn the meeting, which was cute.
9:55: Surprise, the motion to adjourn failed. Meatball is giving his opening statement. Dunno, it's probably "I am sitting in a Big Peener Toilet RIGHT NOW."
9:58: Meatball's opening statement is mostly about DRUGS and CRIME and BORDER, because he, like the Republicans, is performing for an audience of one right now.
10:01: Trump no ask Meatball to hurt Robert Mueller investigation, and Meatball no do that by himself, not even a little bit, he SWEARS! Also says he might cite executive privilege, even though we haven't heard anything about Donald Trump actually invoking that. Have you?
10:04: JERRY NADLER: You got all sweaty and said you had been briefed on the Mueller investigation. What did they tell your dumb idiot?
MEATBALL: Not telling, I mean nothing, I mean everything, I mean ... AW NUTS!
NADLER: Did you get briefed between December 19 and 25?
MEATBALL: Why are you asking that question?!
NADLER: Because I am asking, asshole!
MEATBALL: Fake question! Mere speculation!
NADLER: Did you tell Donald Trump anything you learned from your super secret briefings on the Mueller investigation?
MEATBALL: Mr. Chairman, I am going to need to filibuster and say meaningless words now and do my best to run out your five minute clock. But anyway, no I haven't done that, OH NO HAVE I SAID TOO MUCH?
10:09: NADLER: I see what you are doing, idiot, trying to run out the clock and not answer questions.
MEATBALL: I am not very clever.
NADLER: Let me explain how "Congress" works.
10:11: WHOA, THIS ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED.
Meatball said, "Mr. Chairman, your five minutes is up." TO JERRY NADLER. HE SAID THIS WITH HIS MOUTH.
For the record, this made Jerry Nadler LOL.
Anyway, Meatball insists that he has "not interfered in any way with the special counsel's investigation."
10:15: Ranking member loser idiot Doug Collins takes over.
COLLINS: Did you know about Roger Stone's indictment?
MEATBALL: Ummmmm ... yes.
COLLINS: Did you know CNN was at his house?!?!?!?! Did you know?!?!?! WHO TOLD THEM!
Doug Collins is a dumb fucking Republican who doesn't understand that we had known Stone was going to be indicted for approximately one hundred years, and that therefore journalists were camped out at his house every Friday morning for weeks.
10:17: You should know that Republicans are actually probably not just going to massage Whitaker's meatballs this whole time, because some of them are upset because they feel like he hasn't destroyed the rule of law in service of a wannabe orange tyrant GOOD ENOUGH.
Now Collins is barking random Republican conspiracy theories, asking if Bruce Ohr still works at DOJ. Wait, who the fuck is Bruce Ohr? This is the fuck who Bruce Ohr is.
10:22: Fifteen minute recess! Everybody go play on the jungle gym!
10:49: They are late getting back from recess!
To tide you over, here is video of the moment Meatball got confused and Freaky Friday-ed himself with Jerry Nadler, apparently under the impression that HE was now running the hearing.
11:11: Maybe this break is taking VERY LONG TIME because Matt Whitaker for real has to drive all the way home to use the special man potty to poop. Could that be it?
11:40: OK, it is almost back! This is your NO-MINUTE warning, it's time to watch more of our new favorite TV show, "Fridays With Meatball"!
11:44: Here we go. Democratic Rep. Zoe Lofgren begins the questioning to Whitaker, who has donned some spectacles:
LOFGREN: Why you talk out your ass and say the Mueller investigation was almost over?
MEATBALL: I cannot answer questions I don't understand. In related news, I am unable to understand ANY QUESTIONS.
11:49: LOFGREN: Hey remember all those one million times you shat all over the Mueller investigation before you were working at DOJ? Did you talk to Trump or anybody associated with him about all that stuff before you worked at DOJ? Don't say "executive privilege" because you were a private citizen, dumbshit.
MEATBALL: Thank you for that question. I will filibuster for ten minutes and restate your question and run out your time before answering simply, "No."
And now GOP Rep. Steve Chabot is talking about opioids, which is not at all why we are here today. Go smoke, y'all!
11:56: Yay, time for a real member of Congress to talk again! It is Sheila Jackson-Lee, and she would like "yes" or "no" answers, considering how she does not have much time and the level of criminality in the Trump administration is so immense.
JACKSON-LEE: Have you ever been in an oversight committee hearing?
MEATBALL: words words words
JACKSON-LEE: That is not yes or no!
JERRY NADLER: Stop fucking wasting all our time.
RANKING MEMBER REPUBLICAN DICK-CHEESE: Let the man talk, this is NOT JUSTICE how we do it in Georgia!
JACKSON-LEE: Restore my fucking time!
MEATBALL: Durr durr durr, has your time been restores?
JACKSON-LEE: This is not a fucking joke! YES OR NO? YES OR NO?
JACKSON-LEE: Are you denying reports that you've had secret conversations with Donald Trump and others? YES OR NO?
MEATBALL: Words words words
JACKSON-LEE: FUCKING GODDAMN YES OR NO?
12:01: JACKSON-LEE: Do you think foreign interference in our elections is bad?
MEATBALL: I guess. But have you heard of the fake thing called VOTER FRAUD?
JACKSON-LEE: If hostile foreign powers interfered with elections back in Iowa, would you have called the FBI?
MEATBALL: I cannot possibly answer such confusing hypotheticals like "Is hostile foreign meddling bad?"
Wow -- Whitaker desperately tries to avoid answering @JacksonLeeTX18's very direct questions. This is uncomfortable… https://t.co/LJavo6bt50— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar)1549645513.0
12:03: Awwwwww shit! It's time for some high-grade batshit crazy from Jim Jordan, who obviously right now is not thinking about all those wrestlers who were sexually abused at Ohio State on his watch.
Jim Jordan is mad about something, but we don't know what the hell it is, because Jim Jordan cannot string a reality-based though together to save his sad life.
12:06: Jim Jordan seems VERY UPSET about the idea that Rod Rosenstein gave Robert Mueller specific names of Americans to investigate. Even Meatball is confused what Congressman Yap Yap is going on about. Wonkette recommends exploratory brain surgery for Jim Jordan, just to find out where it all went wrong.
12:08: Oh hi, OUR PERSONAL CONGRESSMAN STEVE COHEN OF TENNESSEE!
Meatball cannot answer any of Steve Cohen's questions about Trump's constant violations of the Emoluments Clause, or whether the Justice Department is assisting Trump in these crimes.
MEATBALL: Congressman, I get that this is important to YOU, but it's not important to ME.
COHEN: Trump whined that investigating his finances was a "red line." You seemed to agree wtih him before you took this job! But actually the special counsel regulations say that Mueller is allowed to investigate anything that arises in his investigation. If Trump is financially beholden to a bunch of fucking Russians, WOULDN'T YOU THINK THAT IS APPROPRIATE?
MEATBALL: I said that when I was a private citizen. Meatball know more secrets now. Meatball cannot talk about secrets Meatball know.
COHEN: Do you still think the Mueller investigation is a witch hunt? ARE YOU OVERSEEING A WITCH HUNT?
MEATBALL: I cannot talk about whether ongoing investigations are witch hunts.
COHEN: WOULD YOU OVERSEE A WITCH HUNT?
MEATBALL: Cannot say.
COHEN: You used to say you wanted to starve the Mueller investigation of funding, in order to kill it. Have you?
MEATBALL: I cannot talk about that, just kidding, the answer is no.
12:15: LOUIE GOHMERT BATSHIT TIME!
They begin by greeting each other joyfully. Meatball is VERY HAPPY to see Louie Gohmert, which should tell you something about Meatball.
GOHMERT: Errbody all mad about you not listening to CUH-REER OH-FFICIALS, let's talk about how CUH-REER OH-FFICIALS at the DOJ are just a buncha Deep States and Sally Yates!
12:18: Gohmert says he sure hopes the new attorney general won't be dumb and take advice from CUH-REER OH-FFICIALS, because they all are mean to Donald Trump, and oh thank God there is a Democrat asking questions. It is Rep. Hank Johnson, and no real fireworks to report yet.
12:21: Jerry Nadler takes over because Meatball is stalling again, and Democrats are NOT HAVING THIS SHIT. This leads Doug Collins to complain UNCONSTITUTIONAL TO MAKE REPUBLICANS TALK FAST, we guess because Republicans are too stupid to answer "yes" or "no" questions in a timely manner.
All this is about how Meatball consulted with career ethics lawyers on recusing himself from the Mueller investigation, they said he should, and then he told them to fuck off, based on his superior expertise in Big Peener Toilets.
Meatball is still obstructing and filibustering and not answering Johnson's questions.
12:24: Johnson wants NAMES of who Meatball talked to when consulting over his non-recusal, because he wants to know exactly who Meatball was ignoring.
Anyway, a Republican has taken over and he is asking dumb questions about why Democrats haven't asked Meatball about gun violence, because didn't they have a hearing on that? PFFFFFT, like Democrats even care about gun violence. Know who does? Republicans.
BRB, because this is not the point of the fucking hearing.
12:30: Hahahahaha, Democrat Ted Deutch begins by saying he is a lawyer, and Meatball is a lawyer, and everybody learned in law school that if you can't answer yes or no questions with YES or NO, then you are probably a bad lawyer. Meatball tries to make a joke in response about how they went to different law schools, obviously not understanding that Meatball was essentially admitting he's a bad lawyer. And stupid.
Before this line of questioning, the other Republican handed it back to Jim Jordan, so he could rant some confused brain syphilis questions about redacted memos at Meatball, who still seems kind of confused by Jim Jordan.
12:34: Dems are just SLAMMING Meatball on this question of who he's talked to in the White House, whether he's leaked to them on the things he's been briefed on, whether his staff has been briefed, and Meatball just flat refuses to answer any of the questions, aside from some vague denials of doing anything bad.
12:36: DEUTCH: The reason we are so concerned about your dumb ass is because you are NOWHERE IN THE LINE OF SUCCESSION at DOJ, so why the fuck did Trump choose YOU, Count Dumbass Von Meatball, to be the non-Senate-confirmed acting attorney general?
MEATBALL: All the lame words I can think of that don't get anywhere near the real answer, which is that I am a super fucking hack and that's why Trump likes me.
12:38: Congressman Andy Biggs, a Republican, has some questions now!
BIGGS: Can a sitting president be indicted?
MEATBALL: No way, that's unfair!
BIGGS: Did Rod Rosenstein try to do the 25th Amendment to Donald Trump and put "wire tapps" in his bottom?
MEATBALL: I am not allowed to talk about secrets but I will try to throw Rosenstein under the bus if I can!
12:40: BIGGS: Liberals can't handle the truth! That Donald Trump is a pure American president who won fair and square, and who has no weird shit with Russians, despite the blinding evidence to the contrary! Anyway, you used to say NO COLLUSION? Do you still say NO COLLUSION?
MEATBALL: I cannot say things.
12:43: FIGHT! FIGHT!
Rep. Karen Bass would like to ask Meatball about his activities BEFORE he was in DOJ, like the scammy Republican "Foundation for Accountability," which made ranking member Doug Collins HOOT 'N' HOLLER like the cornfed hick he is, because it is DOWNRIGHT SATANIC to ask questions about dumb pig man Meatball's qualifications to even have his job.
Nadler intervenes, overrules Collins's bullshit, and now they are taking a procedural vote, which Democrats will win, on whether or not Collins is full of dogshit. All members of Congress worthy of your respect vote "aye."
Oh my God, Republicans are just hating being in the minority, which is exactly where they deserve to remain for the rest of all living Americans' natural lives.
12:49: Now that everybody's time has been wasted, Rep. Bass will resume her questions:
Bass would like to know if Meatball has started investigations as acting AG into people and things he called for investigations into when he was running the wingnut whackjob "Foundation for Accountability."
Meatball tries to mansplain that this is an oversight hearing and he is the boss of Karen Bass, and now she is going to make him eat his own meatballs.
12:52: Meatball confirms that he is recused from the investigation into the scammy World Patent Marketing company he was on the board of, where the Big Peener Toilets came from. So that's good, if he's not lying.
Also seems to confirm that there are no open investigations into Hillary Clinton, and of course there shouldn't be, but this is the Trumpy Meatball show, so who the fuck knows.
1:09: Oh hey, we are back after a short break!
It is Republican Tom McClintock asking questions, and he says he has been reading the new book from Fox News's Gregg Jarrett on how the Mueller investigation is a witch hunt and Hillary Clinton runs the Justice Department and the FAKE DOSSIER is fake.
Wait, you guys, a Republican congressman is literally asking questions based on what he's learned from reading GREGG JARRETT'S BOOK LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OMG WE ARE DYING HERE.
Also, McClintock is upset that Roger Stone was treated like a common unarmed black man. And stating as FACT that CNN was "tipped off" to the Roger Stone raid, because Tom McClintock is a fucking paste-humping DIPSHIT.
1:16: Democratic Rep. Cedric Richmond would like to know if Meatball has ever met a black person. Meatball needs him to rephrase the question. Richmond needs to know if Meatball agrees with Trump that there were good people on "both sides" in Charlottesville, even the Nazi side. Meatball needs him to rephrase the question.
Same question for transgender people. At least Meatball says he wouldn't have a problem with a trans person working at DoJ! That's mighty open-minded of him!
And now they are talking about the VERY SERIOUS IMAGINARY PROBLEM of voter fraud, because Richmond is fully committed to showing everybody what an idiot Meatball is.
1:19: Meatball tired.
1:20: This is GOP Rep. Debbie Lesko. She is very MAD about this hearing!
Lesko was MAD this morning too, but then she got SAD. Debbie Lesko is just SAD.
Now she'd like to spew some lies about Democrats supporting INFANTICIDE, even though that is a pathetic, evil lie told by only the stupidest people in America.
Meatball confirms that he is very concerned about the baby executions.
Lesko is very upset that Democrats are executing all the black babies, because her grandchildren are black.
Wonkette would like to extend an apology to Debbie Lesko's grandchildren, because hoo boy, we bet she's a treat at Thanksgiving.
1:25: Hakeem Jeffries, please kick everyone's ass.
JEFFRIES: Who the fuck are you.
MEATBALL: Well ...
JEFFRIES: That was a statement, not a question. Now I'm going to list all the Mueller crimes and indictments and how all Trump's friends are criminals and you are going to like it.
MEATBALL: Uh, well, but, most of the indictments are Russians, so that doesn't count.
JEFFRIES: Yeah well, let's talk about Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen and Roger Stone and every other fucking person Donald Trump has ever met, and how they are all criminals.
MEATBALL: George Papadopoulos was just the coffee boy! (OR WAS HE?)
JEFFRIES: Do you still think Robert Mueller's investigation is a "lynch mob"?
MEATBALL: I didn't say that.
JEFFRIES: Yes you did.
MEATBALL: Oh, I guess I ...
JEFFRIES: SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE. Now let's talk about how you are unfit and should be recused and should get out of Washington by the end of the day today. And If you touch the Mueller investigation before you leave, I swear to God ...
YOU GUYS, THAT PART WAS REALLY GOOD.
🔥 @RepJeffries is not here for Whitaker's crap 🔥 "Mr. Whitaker that was a statement, not a question. I assume you… https://t.co/ZwY6vXhdHI— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar)1549650462.0
1:30: Smoke break, another Republican is talking about shit that is not the point of this hearing.
1:34: Democratic Rep. David Cicilline gonna kick Meatball's ass now! Introduces all kinds of news articles about Meatball's improper behavior into the record, then begins:
CICILLINE: Look, Meatball. Do not thank me, do not compliment my questions, I know my questions are great, and I know you're fucking grateful to have the opportunity to talk to me.
MEATBALL: Whoa ...
CICILLINE: Did Trump "lash out at you" after the story about Michael Cohen?
MEATBALL: He said on Twitter that he didn't, so ...
CICILLINE: YOU WERE FUCKING THERE.
MEATBALL: FAKE NEWS.
CICILLINE: Please answer the question, oh my fucking God.
MEATBALL: OK, gonna say "no" to all these questions, and I am telling the truth. OR AM I?
1:37: Cicilline gets Meatball to admit that Donald Trump has not invoked executive privilege and has not instructed him not to answer certain questions, therefore Meatball's refusal to comment on conversations with Trump is invalid.
Also very clear that Meatball The Lawyer Attorney General Guy does not know the definition of "executive privilege."
1:40: Wonkette can confirm that Meatball has no ass anymore, because David Cicilline just removed it with his foot. We will update with video when we see it on Twitter.
1:41: Oh Christ, a Republican talking about sanctuary cities and immigrants murdering people, fuuuuuuuuuuuuck this.
1:46: Hahahahaha, FIGHT!
Eric Swalwell begins by asking if Meatball's old hack wingnut "think tank" ever took foreign donations, ranking member GOP idiot Doug Collins LOST HIS FUCKIN' BUSINESS HOLLERIN', there were fisticuffs, and now Eric Swalwell is asking his questions because fuck Republicans, today, tomorrow, and to infinity and beyond.
Goddamn, Republicans are hating their new life, and we are LOVING IT. You thought there were GOP resignations before the last election? Watch 2020.
1:50: Swalwell wants to know if Meatball's DoJ has been discussing pardons for all of Trump's friends:
MEATBALL: DoJ has a system for that!
SWALWELL: That the president doesn't follow! So when you said Mueller's investigation was over, was that YOUR opinion, or was that MUELLER'S opinion?
MEATBALL: Uh ...
SWALWELL: Do you believe Mueller is honest?
MEATBALL: More words than it should take to say "yes."
SWALWELL: Do you think Mueller is conflicted?
MEATBALL: More words that it should take to say "of course not, Jesus Christ!"
SWALWELL; Say Mueller is honest and not conflicted. SAY IT.
MEATBALL: NO PUPPET! NO PUPPET! YOU ARE THE PUPPET!
1:56: In case you're wondering where we are in the hearing, here's the current House Judiciary Committee roster. There are a few VERY STUPID Republicans to come, like Matt Gaetz and Martha "I don't think that's very funny, Hillary" Roby.
And there are a BUNCH more cool Dems to come, like Pramila Jayapal and Ted Lieu. Because there are way more Democrats, because WE KICKED THEIR ASS IN THE MIDTERMS.
2:04: Oh here's Ted Lieu! He would like to know what Meatball knows about CONSTITUTION.
LIEU: Does Constitution say Michael Flynn cannot be indicted?
MEATBALL: I don't know that Constitution sentence.
LIEU: What about Paul Manafort? Or Ivanka Trump? Or Donald Trump Jr.? Or Eric Trump? Or Mike Pence?
MEATBALL: I DON'T KNOW ANY CONSTITUTION SENTENCES.
LIEU: So ... is there a sentence say Donald Trump cannot be indicted?
MEATBALL: Trickster demon just tricked me!
In a heated exchange, @tedlieu grills Whitaker on what the Constitution does and does not say about indicting the p… https://t.co/f2Krc8XtHB— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar)1549653584.0
2:07: Here is Ted Lieu showing Meatball "Constitution."
2:09: Now we've gotten to the part where Democrats go two in a row, because WOMP WOMP, ain't no Republicans in the Congress.
Jamie Raskin would like to ask some questions about Meatball's past scammy fraudy company that scammed and frauded old war veterans out of their entire life savings. This time ranking member Dipshit doesn't even have the energy to object.
And then there was FIGHT! And Meatball got mad at Jamie Raskin for questioning his VERY STRONG CHARACTER and his VERY LONG DRY PENIS that DOES NOT FLOAT IN THE POTTY!
Poor Meatball. We SAID he was too stupid to testify for Congress.
2:18: Pramila Jayapal is pretty sure her colleages have handled a lot of the WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY YOU ARE ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL questions, so she's going to nail Meatball on all the work he did on family separation as Jeff Sessions's chief of staff.
2:24: We ... don't know how to sum up just exactly how Pramila Jayapal just laid into Matthew Whitaker. Let's just say she shouted at him with the fire of a thousand suns about Trump and Whitaker's DOJ stealing BABIES from their parents, and we are just going to find you a video, because holy Jesus shit.
.@RepJayapal: "These parents were in your custody, your attorneys are prosecuting them, & your department was not t… https://t.co/1JkoqXd7YP— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar)1549654882.0
And now Val Demings is questioning.
We guess some of those remaining dumbfuck Republicans just decided to boycott the hearing, because they're obviously unnecessary.
2:28: And now Val Demings is just beating the shit out of Meatball over whether or not he agrees with Donald Trump's belief that the DOJ is full of Deep State witch hunters. "HOW DO YOU VIEW THE PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR YOU?"
"Pitiful," Demings says about his non-answers. "Pitiful."
Aren't you glad you got out there and voted for this House of Representatives? Ready to do it again and also take the Senate and the presidency in 2020? We sure as fuck are.
2:31: Question from Rep. Correa: Does Meatball understand the threats posed by homegrown right-wing terrorists?
Meatball says he does! But DO WE BELIEVE HIM? (No.)
2:37: Everyone, please meet Rep. Mary Gay Scanlon (D-Philadelphia). SHE is going to kick EVERYONE'S ASS.
She has some ISSUES with what Meatball said about sanctuary cities and denying funding for them, and she would like Meatball to acknowledge that doing so was recently ruled unconstitutional. She would like the record to reflect that Meatball is a fucking dumbass who refuses to answer every question, and who filibusters trying to run out the time, which is something Mary Gay Scanlon will not be putting up with. She does not know where Meatball got the impression that her "yes" or "no" questions require any more words than "yes" or "no," but she will not have mere Big Peener Toilet fuckheads taking away the time allotted for her to beat Meatball's ass until his head spins.
Having explained all that, Mary Gay Scanlon will now commence the ass-beating.
Whitaker dodges @RepMGS' Qs abt unconstitutionality of DOJ withholding $ from sanctuary cities, & abt immigrant cri… https://t.co/bGBL31LqGF— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar)1549656144.0
2:45: Don't worry, sweet children, we are going to find you good videos of these things that are making us say WOW.
Also, we should say, by the way, that if you love Wonkette liveblogs, you should know that this is a 100% reader funded site with NO ADS, and that we get salaries and healthcare and all that shit based on the kind love gifts of YOU. So hit that donate button below before you leave!
2:54: We say this in the most awestruck way possible: this particular Democratic majority is absolutely fucking TERRIFYING. We imagine every Trump official is sitting there with their jaw on the floor watching this.
Speaking of, HIIIIIII, Lucy McBath! She is in Congress! She replaced that awful woman Karen Handel! McBath is on the Judiciary Committee! She is kicking Meatball's ass on voting rights!
2:59: New Democratic Rep. Greg Stanton (he took Kyrsten Sinema's seat) notes that once Meatball's time is up as AAG next week, he will simply be a subject of DoJ investigations. Meatball is like "WHAT?" Stanton would just like Meatball to promise to God he will cooperate with those investigations BIGLY.
TOLD YOU THESE DEMOCRATS ARE FUCKIN' SCARY.
3:04: Rep. Madeleine Dean (D-PA) would like to know just how many jobs in the Trump administration Meatball interviewed for before they decided to give ol' Peener Toilet the biggest seat at the Department of Justice. Did you guys know he interviewed to be Trump's White House Russia lawyer, like Ty Cobb was and Emmet Flood is now? Isn't that FUCKING CRAZY?
Also, can you imagine what fun we would've had if this dipshit had been Rudy Giuliani's partner in crime?
Seriously, CAN. YOU. IMAGINE.
This is Madeleine Dean by the way. Get to know her, because she is one of the people who is going to kick everybody's ass, like she's doing right now.
3:09: Dean finishes with this exchange:
DEAN: Will you provide Congress with the written guidance you got from DoJ ethics people who said you should recuse?
MEATBALL: I can't give you those secrets, because they are secrets! Also I didn't get any written guidance.
AND THE CHOIR SANG: Bull. Fucking. Shit.
3:11: New Rep. Debbie Mucarsel-Powell absolutely kicks Meatball's ass on the political activity of his former job at the "Foundation for Accountability," noting that actually it's a 501(c)3, which are by their nature not supposed to be doing politics.
And then she couldn't find the rest of her questions. But she found them eventually! It's OK, Rep. Mucarsel-Powell, it's your first hearing!
3:16: This is Veronica Escobar. She is the new Bingo O'Rourke!
Escobar begins by noting that she's been waiting a LONG TIME to ask her questions, and she's seen his poor behavior throughout this hearing, so please for the fucking love of God, answer her questions with a yes or a no, and if you filibuster, she will beat his ass. He responds by talking over her. She responds by throwing his Peener Toilet out in the street and sledgehammering it to see if it'll make him cry.
Anyway, her questions are about the Trump Justice Department's bullshit border policies, which she knows something about, since she represents El Paso, a town the president likes to LIE ABOUT.
After three attempts, Rep. Veronica Escobar (D-TX) gets acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker to acknowledge tha… https://t.co/XOnexW6FgT— Keith Boykin (@Keith Boykin)1549658070.0
3:20: Escobar's final question is if Meatball has ever SEEN information related to pardons of individuals. Tail between his legs, Meatball says he has.
OK, MEATBALL, JUST THIS ONE TIME YOU ARE ALLOWED TO ELABORATE.
But of course he does not.
3:22: The hearing is over now. And this is the face of a Meatball who knows he did a VERY BAD JOB today.
Good hearing, everyone! We are going to liveblog as many of these as we can, and we sure do hope useless Republicans continue boycotting them, in higher and higher numbers. They might think they're making a point by doing so, but honestly, the American people won't notice. So GTFO.
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