September 29, 2004 10:09 AM
It's No Axis of Evil or Anything, But We're Still Pretty Proud
Mr. Sun lets you write your own George W. Bush stump speech:
Thank you for that warm welcome. It's great to be under the complete control of Dick Cheney! This election may well be the most important in history. Now more than ever, America needs John Ashcroft reading your email. My opponent is on both sides of every issue. You know what I stand for: a bill our grandchildren cannot possibly pay. If I am re-elected, in my first two weeks I pledge to have a chuckle about it with Prince Bandar. After September 11, I stood in the rubble with a bullhorn and shouted: We will have vengeance against the people who didn't do this! Now, three years later -- I ask for you to at least get me to the Supreme Court; I'll take it from there. I have been blessed in my life, and I want you to know that laws have a lot of big words that I don't understand. In conclusion, I would like to say I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch.Goes a little Ron Burgandy at the end there, but mostly we're pretty sure it's the same one he gave in Toledo.