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It's Okay, You Guys, Sarah Palin Is Just 'Writing' A Fitness 'Book'

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It seems like just yesterday we wereworried about Sarah Palin! The wraithlike skin-sack of hollow bones clomping around Los Angeles this week was not the GILF you've hatefucked in your brainpan so many times throughout the years, but instead gave us a huge anti-boner of sad. (That this led to accusations in the comments that we were "body-shaming" is too bad, since it was by far the nicest thing we'd ever written about Palin, and also since this is not Jezebel. What's next, accusations of cisgendered heteronormative hegemony?) But it is okay, you guys! People magazine did the hard work of asking Palin, what the fuck is up with your bone-sack? And Palin replied!


In an email to PEOPLE on Tuesday, Palin – who's known to treat houseguests to a smorgasbord of homemade treats such as moose chili, chocolate cream pies, pecan pies and lemon meringue pies – wrote, "Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!"

Palin, 48, says she will discuss the topics in "our unique and motivating book."

"We promise you what we do works and allows a fulfilling quality of life and sustenance anyone can enjoy," she adds.

It is unclear if Palin has a contract for the upcoming book or when the work will be published.

That's cute, People, the little bitch-meow at the end, but no. It is not "unclear" if Palin has a contract for the upcoming book -- if she had a contract, it would have been Drudge siren news like it always is whenever the brood grifts its way into another paycheck, like we hear about whatever idiot reality thing the phlegmatic Todd's signed up for this time. As for when the work will be published, we are going to say "never," because that might entail writing a book, since we don't think "fitness" is one of Palin Family Ghostwriter Nancy French's topics of expertise.

As for their homemade treats, we can't imagine lemon meringue goes well with secret bags of Taco Bell consumed alone in her room with the door closed, but eh. We could be very wrong about that!

In any case, we are glad (you say) you are okay, Sarah Palin. Maybe soon you can get back to being hotter than Julianne Moore played you, which is the first statement in history that came out of Bristol Palin's mouth with which we can agree!

[People, via PoliticalWire; pix from Celebitchy courtesy of Fame/Flynet]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.

In what appears to be an attempt to get someone on Fox News to describe him as a "reasonable guy," Schumer sent out a tweet today lamenting the "despicable acts of violence and harassment" being done by "both sides."

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Republicans are KILLIN' IT in Florida, you guys! No worries about election day, Gators. It's all smooooooth sailing for the Sunshine State GOP. Just take it from Governor Rick Scott's lead pollster Wes Anderson, who produced a whimsical, unskewed poll for the campaign, featuring nostalgic jams about high Republican turnout in those good old days, telling the Tampa Bay Times,

As the linked slides indicate, Governor Scott currently leads Senator Nelson 51% to 46%, a lead that is outside of the margin of error.

It should also be noted that this sample from last week is very robust at 2,200 interviews of likely voters, stratified by county to reflect historic mid-term turnout. Our sample shows the Republicans with a one-point turnout advantage, even though we believe we will end up with a two- or three-point advantage. For historical context, in the past two mid-term elections Republicans had a four-point advantage in 2010 and a three-point advantage in 2014. At R+1, that makes our current sample a very conservative take on the likely partisan composition of this year's electorate.

NEEDZ MOAR BILL MURRAY.

No other pollster has replicated those numbers, with SurveyUSA, Quinnipiac, and CNN/SSRS all finding Bill Nelson in the lead, but if OnMessage, Inc. says Scott is running way ahead, then it must be true! Only OnMessage promises to "take your principles, your experience, and your opponent's weaknesses to develop a winning message plan that the voters will embrace." And who wouldn't trust a push pollster, right?

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