It's The Great Thanksgiving Drink-All-Day Of 2019!
One year -- it was 2005, I remember because it was the Great Thanksgiving Drink-All-Day of 2005 -- my mom put me in charge of booze. Because I am brilliant and also fun, I went to the hangar-sized liquor store in Costa Mesa and bought tiny airplane bottles of every different premium gin so we could all do taste tests. Suparna liked the Hendrick's! I liked the Thompson's! (Which the internet tells me cannot ship to the United States? TRUMP WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW.) Everybody else liked other everything elses! The tiny bottles meant we sipped like hamsters, creating a perfect toasty buzz all day that never fell over into us falling over. I mention this because I have nothing else to start this post with.
Perhaps you have noticed -- eyes like an eagle you have! -- that my good husband Shy finally figured out how to use the shot glass heat printer we got a year ago, and has been making you SHOT GLASSES. We are still working up a set of candidates plus an expansion set of candidates for the debates (we have to redo the Bernie Sanders design that Universal cease-and-desisted us on). My therapist said I should write up a drinking game to include with the shot glasses but I explained no. Then I further explained that we cannot have debate drinking games anymore because they would say "how will you paaaaaay for it" or "medicare for all" and you would all die of liquor and then your heirs would stop your Wonkette subscriptions. He agreed because of how I am so often right.
But now look, we made you pretty ICONS OF IMPEACHMENT! They feature St. Masha Yovanaovitch, St. Fiona Hill, St. Sexy David Holmes, and St. Not Sexy Alex Vindman, who just has a very round head.
Your other options are THE WOMEN, the WONKETTE SUPERFAN PACK, and the RUDE PACK. They are $28 which includes FREE SHIPPING in the US, because we love you.
You may also buy other things, I am not stopping you, get your Christmas shopping one and done. (If you're buying shit on Amazon this weekend and want to help a blogsite out, you could go through this link here.) Will I be having a Day-After-The-Day-Before-Black-Friday sale? Yes! Except I think probably nothing will actually go on sale. Regardless, there's ever so many things you have not been buying lately because our Bazaar homepage only shows 15 items out of MANY MORE THAN THAT. You could buy a Kamala apron, which someone just bought and it turned out GORGEOUS, WHO KNEW. You could buy an IMPEACHMENT FEVER tee, with or without Trump's gross Trump face! You could buy a teeny-tiny little onesie for a baby, as modeled by my ACTUAL GRANDDAUGHTER. You could buy panties, to wear in your pants! Sheeeit, we still have the Wonkette US America Game of Elections: The Game! if you are not too depressed to play it, which I am! I have literally never played our game, and I spent a lot of time writing it! Maybe I should sit Dok down -- Dok is here! -- and get out our shot glasses and play it tonight, in fact I have just made the executive decision that WE ARE. And we're gonna somehow make it a drinking game! And then we will be dead of whatever I decide are the rules.
Robyn will be with you over the weekend on a one-post-a-day basis. We love you, and are thankful for you, if I haven't mentioned that lately. And I already know you are thankful for us :)
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.