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It's Unofficially Official: Hillary Clinton Is Secretary of State

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Oh hey Friday slow news day, etc.! The various news outlets keep insisting that Hillary Clinton has quietly (as quietly as she can do anything) taken up Barack Obama on his offer to be Secretary of Diplomatic Teas and Bombing Things, so we pass that information along to you, the reader. Did you know that Bill Clinton turned over the names of overtwo-hundred-thousand donors to his foundation and memorial dildo farm in Little Rock, so that his wife could have this job? True story!


Now, of course, Barack Obama will be able to just sit on this donor list, and anytime Hillary Clinton thinks about doing anything out of line or "going rogue," he will just randomly pick a name off the list and be like, "Oh okay well I guess nobody will mind if I let it slip that Bill took a half-million dollars from this shady Kazakh billionaire pedophile Marxist guerrilla Bilderberg mastermind." PROBLEM SOLVED.

This works out well for Hillary, too: She doesn't have to wait for Ted Kennedy to die or retire so that she can fuck up health-care reform, again, and now she has a chance to really "make a difference" by doing whatever Joe Biden tells her to do.

Clinton Decides to Accept Post at State Dept., Confidants Say [New York Times]

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. Ravelry.com – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend, Ravelry.com's founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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One day, God willing, my grandchildren will click open their history textbooks and read about the Central American migrant internment camps. They'll learn about sick kids, locked in cages, kept hungry and dirty and cold for weeks on end, and they'll be horrified.

"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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