It's Your Nail-Biting Edge-Of-Your-Seat Thrill Ride South Carolina Primary Open Thread

We like both!

Today is South Carolina's great big Democratic presidential primary, and Yr Wonkette is here with you for every minute of the excitement while we wait for the networks to call it for Hillary Clinton with .3 percent of precincts reporting. But who knows! Maybe Killer Mike's outreach for Bernie Sanders will result in a surprise win for Bernie Sanders, never mind the polling averages! 

When Do The Polls Close?

Polls close at 7 p.m. Eastern, which is 4 p.m. Pacific and "never" in the alleged "Mountain time zone," which is reputed to be a purely theoretical part of the space-time continuum, according to the General Theory of Relativity.

Who's Got Momentum?

Our inside sources tell us that anyone in motion does, and that the best way to measure it is by multiplying their mass by their velocity. However, we cannot assume that South Carolina is a frictionless vacuum, so there may be other factors at work, such as name recognition, income inequality, economic growth, and advertising budgets.

Also friction, which we sincerely hope there will not be too much of between our beloved pro-Hillary and beloved pro-Bernie Wonketteers in the comments which we do not allow.

What About The Point Spread?

Seeing as how the polling favors Hillary, Bernie Sanders is, they say, hoping to make at least a respectable showing, especially with black voters, or in New York Times -talk,

Mr. Sanders has worked hard to make inroads with African-American voters, including a radio ad from the director Spike Lee and campaign events with the rapper Killer Mike. Even a loss, if it shows that Mr. Sanders’s message of economic injustice has resonated among black voters, could help him in the Southern states that vote on Super Tuesday, three days later.

Is The Term "Making Inroads" Ever Used Outside Political Reporting?

We believe the phrase has been making inroads in business talk too. But few inroads with outlaws.

What Should We Keep An Eye Out For In Primary Coverage?

You know, something interesting, like maybe somebody finally getting tired of Chris Matthews and cutting his mic off. Not just turning it off on the control board, physically walking over and snipping the thing off his jacket. Also, will Steve Kornacki wear jeans? We're betting he will! Also, have you noticed that if you're writing with your back to the TV, MSNBC's Eugene Robinson sounds uncannily like Neil deGrasse Tyson, only a bit more baritone, and with far fewer mentions of supernovae?

Will Wonkette Be Liveblogging The Election Results?

Considering what a squeaker this election's expected to be, we're going with an open thread, in which we expect You People to Behave Yourself. Yr Dok Zoom will be here to help you make fun of the television reportage, at least.

Is That A Bernie Sanders Action Figure Up There?

[contextly_sidebar id="V3Vn6bNGGLsGYemhl7nFEr3B83tnAPkZ"]Yep, the nice toy company that made the Hillary Clinton Action Figure and whose CEO was completely blindsided when he accepted an invitation to promote the toy on internet Teevee -- he'd never heard of this "Alex Jones" fellow -- is now doing a Bernie Doll too. The Hillz Doll is still available, and the company is donating a buck per doll sold to the respective campaigns.

Update: Oh, Hey, Results Already? Color Us Surprised!

At the very moment the polls closed, MSNBC, CNN, and Fox all called it for Clinton. Imagine that! Percentages later.

[ NYT / Vox / RealClearPolitics ]