SOUNDOFF! It's Your Wonkette Mental Health Check-In!
Everybody! How are we feeeeeling! Me, I have been headachey all week, and crabby, and I announce things in the chatcave like "btw I am in a FOUL MOOD, so if I snap at you, it is definitely me," which I think is nice but then everyone gets VERY QUIET. Here we are, finally having stopped the lunatic marauder at the top of the government, and instead of fixing the GLOBAL CRISES, we're in this stupid holding pattern, because Joe Manchin woke up Joe Manchin again today.
The rightwing media is not sitting down and shutting up; the 1/6 Treason Caucus is not hiding away in shame; we're about to get a whole bunch of Obamacare-style Tea Party town halls about the bad Black people doing cancel culture by teaching that US history had slavery in it on top of the gerrymandering and laws saying legislatures can just throw out elections they don't like; the pandemic is not over yet, and I will never in my lifetime understand the people saying you shouldn't wear a mask because ??? ... PROFIT!!!
Everything seems kind of overwhelming and pooey and if they're trying to make Joe Biden into Jimmy Carter, "existential malaise" would certainly fit.
And I hear y'all are wilding in the comments.
Honeys of love, I get it. We are a broad tent here; some of you actually defend Joe Manchin! There is going to be interpersonal aggravation and bitchery, and often, it is from me! I'll just remind you please that when you find yourself looking for a reason to be mad at each other, or if somebody's very user name fills you with inchoate rage, get a hold of yourself, save the dunking for Twitter, because that shit catches like B.1.617.2!
I've gotten several nice notes lately from beloved readers who are logging off, and they're allowed to. They need a break. I know they'll be back when they need us. (And they will.)
I can try to make you feel better, if first I heal myself. Because this week and this month have been both scary and enervating, and we don't know how to get us out of this mess. It's hard for us in the writers room to remember to bring you nice stories to cool you out, but even if we found three a day, that'd still be like 10 stories of garbage people raising your blood pressure and ours. Most of it we really do need to pay attention to. Like Bill Clinton's war room, you let nothing go unanswered. Some of it's just stupid people we feel better for mocking. Wonkette will never be Upworthy.
Still, let's all try to remember that in St. Molly Ivins's First Rule of Holes, we have stopped digging. And that counts for a lot.
But let's do this. Let's each and everyone of you (okay, let's one in 100,000 of you) volunteer to throw a WonkMeet. Let's make plans to look forward, and let's see us! The first one's Friday, June 18, in San Francisco! Fukui will be your host. Then there's July in Portland, Oregon, and Spokane in August, which I'll be skipping because my niecelets in San Diego turn 16, so San Diego, let's throw you one there! In September, Paul and Holly will welcome you to the Berkshires. And sometime this summer, I'll invite you Montana bitches TO MY HOME. I have always wanted to throw a weekend campout meetup in my yard. Let's get crunk! (I do not know what that means. Is it good? I bet it's good.)
Now please turn to your neighbor and give the sign of peace.
"Peace be with you." "OH YEAH? FUCK YOU."
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.