People like to drag Ivanka Trump. We sure do! But shortly after launching her dumb ass “Find Something New" initiative, Ivanka Antoinette is leading by example. She's tired of serving as senior adviser to a flaming doody bag presidency and has now moved on to spokesmodeling. It's that easy!

Trump got her Vanna White on in a tweet she shared last night. She had nothing better to do.

Yeah, that's Ivanka Trump posing with a goddamn can of Goya black beans, which someone on her staff probably had to strap on a mask and go buy for her. I don't picture Ivanka Trump taking her shopping cart down the “ethnic foods" aisle. It's also unlikely that Ivanka Trump has ever personally opened a can. In her photo, it looks as if she's waving her hand underneath the can like she's trying to trigger some “no-touch" opening sensor. Release the beans!


The tweet's sole message is Goya's slogan “If it's Goya, it has to be good," which Trump also includes in Spanish because it's an Hispanic food product. She doesn't offer Spanish subtitles for her other tweets, which she should consider because Hispanic people do more than just eat beans and Cinco de Mayo.

This isn't a random act of ethics breaching. Trump is defiantly showing her support for Goya after there were calls for a boycott when Goya's CEO Robert Unanue praised Donald Trump at a White House event. He said we're “all truly blessed" -- we're not -- "to have a leader like President Trump, who is a builder" (he isn't). I didn't want to judge him too harshly at first. This could've been his “I'm being held hostage" code, but he later doubled down on his remarks.

Kissing the ass of a man who literally tried to sell Puerto Rico might've cost Goya support from the "elite," such as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Julian Castro, and Lin-Manuel Miranda, but the company can look forward to a new loyal customer base, including Laura Ingraham, James Woods, and now Ivanka Trump, who has totally eaten a burrito at some point.

I know it induces giggle fits whenever you say it out loud, but Ivanka Trump is a White House employee, and as impossible as it is to believe these days, White House staff is supposed to uphold certain ethical standards. Chief among them is not endorsing products like a common social media influencer.

Kellyanne Conway, who is ethics- and soul-free, raised eyebrows in 2017 when she told people to “go buy Ivanka's stuff," but that was a little different because no one was seriously going to buy Ivanka's stuff. (It's bad.) Goya is a real company with actual competitors. Is Ivanka going to give equal time to Del Monte, Hormel, Tyson, and so on? That's almost like a real job. Ivanka didn't sign up for this!

Nordstrom dropped Ivanka's ugly-ass clothing because it wasn't selling, and it was easier for Conway and anyone else who interacts with Veruca Trump to pretend this was a politically motivated assault instead of just business. Ivanka's endorsement was as spite-filled as Conway's, and when called out for violating federal law, the White House's response was basically, “Yeah, so?"

White House Specialty Media Director Carolina Hurley admits Ivanka Trump is supporting Goya because the company supported the Trump administration, which has a certain quid pro quo flavor. These idiots aren't even as subtle as gangsters.

Last year, the Office of Special Counsel (not the Special Counsel's Office!) recommended the president fire Conway for repeated violations of the Hatch Act. Trump refused, because unless he sees a Black or brown person he's not convinced a crime occurred. So, there's little chance he'll fire Ivanka from whatever it is she does. We'll have to take care of that for him in November.

[Forbes / CNN]

Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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