Jack Abramoff No Longer Working At Zionist Pizza Joint

 
 Jack Abramoff has finished his six-month stint working at Tov Pizza, "a modest kosher pizzeria in a heavily Jewish section of northwest Baltimore" -- a job he held down while living in a halfway house following his stint in federal prison for being too good at his job and also ruining Tom DeLay's beautiful life. So yes, if you purchased a pizza from this place recently, you probably shouldn't have been charged $7.4 million in various "handling," "effort," "anti-pizza-poison" fees. Also, if you caught him in a suite at a Ravens game with his arm around a pepperoni, he should not have been doing that. What he should have been doing is screaming at a teenager, in a kosher manner, to put more cheese on the dough before he passes it to him to put in the oven.

But the notorious temporary employee had little trouble fitting in.

"He got along really well with everybody working here," Rosenbluth said.

Because somehow everyone found their pockets lined with $100 bills after they asked him to clean the bathroom. [ AP via Alex Hart ]