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GON FUCK TRUMP UP


WHOA HEY, it’s early evening on the East Coast, which means a new #ExplosiveReport has come out in a big newspaper that will effectively hijack everything the Failing and Sad Trump regime wants to do tomorrow. The Washington Post New York Times (good job, NYT, you gitted one!) broke the story, and it is that former FBI Director James Comey is a motherfucking beast who left a motherfucking paper trail on everything Donald Trump ever did that bothered him, and the first leaky leaky out of that batch is a memo Comey wrote just after Trump tried to pressure him into shutting down the FBI investigation into disgraced and fired former national security adviser/LITERAL ACTUAL FOREIGN AGENT Michael Flynn:

President Trump asked the F.B.I. director, James B. Comey, to shut down the federal investigation into Mr. Trump’s former national security adviser, Michael T. Flynn, in an Oval Office meeting in February, according to a memo Mr. Comey wrote shortly after the meeting.

“I hope you can let this go,” the president told Mr. Comey, according to the memo.

The existence of Mr. Trump’s request is the clearest evidence that the president has tried to directly influence the Justice Department and F.B.I. investigation into links between Mr. Trump’s associates and Russia.

Mr. Comey wrote the memo detailing his conversation with the president immediately after the meeting, which took place the day after Mr. Flynn resigned, according to two people who read the memo. The memo was part of a paper trail Mr. Comey created documenting what he perceived as the president’s improper efforts to influence a continuing investigation.

According to the NYT (again, you guys, good job!) Comey was at the White House that day for an unrelated meeting, and VP Mike Pence and AG Jeff Sessions were both there too, but Trump made them leave the Oval Office before he tried to grab Comey by the pussy and take him furniture-shopping about the Flynn investigation:

Alone in the Oval Office, Mr. Trump began the discussion by condemning leaks to the news media, saying that Mr. Comey should consider putting reporters in prison for publishing classified information, according to one of Mr. Comey’s associates.

Mr. Trump then turned the discussion to Mr. Flynn.

WHOA. IF. TRUE. (It's totally true.) We are of course not surprised that Trump would want to put reporters in prison for revealing classified information about how Trump is probably a Russian intelligence asset and a criminal, but we think it's pretty LOL considering Trump's cavalier attitude about revealing classified intelligence from the Israelis to his BFF Russia, which happens to be America's oldest enemy.

To be clear, this is a different meeting from when Trump tried to move on Comey like a bitch but couldn't get there, by begging Comey to pledge his loyalty. First of all, they had dinner during that meeting, but in this instance it doesn't even sound like Trump offered to press his funny red button and order Comey a Diet Coke, because Donald Trump is a classless fuck-strumpet. Also, the dinner meeting happened in January, whereas this happened on Valentine's Day, and apparently this memo (and probably many others!) is Comey's love Valentine to Trump, for being suuuuuuuuch a shitty lover.

Everybody is on TV acting like "WHOA THIS IS BIG but we want to see the actual memo," and Senate Intelligence Committee Chair Richard Burr wants to see it too, so we reckon the Deep State is currently at its local FedEx or UPS store, making copies for literally every person on the entire planet. Because come the fuck on, you TV idiots, you know the memos exist. (GRETA and ALAN DERSHOWITZ, we are LOOKING AT YOUR FACES are on our TV right now, and you are BOTHERING US with your STUPID WORDS about how we GOTTA SEE THE MEMO.)

Speaking of Comey keeping memos of basically everything, here is a thing from Matt Miller, formerly of the Justice Department, who used to work with Comey:

The New York Times has a little bit more context on that too:

Mr. Comey created similar memos — including some that are classified — about every phone call and meeting he had with the president, the two people said. It is unclear whether Mr. Comey told the Justice Department about the conversation or his memos. [...]

Mr. Comey was known among his closest advisers to document conversations that he believed would later be called into question, according to two former confidants, who said Mr. Comey was uncomfortable at times with his relationship with Mr. Trump.

Reportedly he has done this for YEARS, and not just with Trump, so yeah, the memos are out there. The NYT reports that Comey specifically shared his Trump memos with a close circle of high up FBI people, just so they would know how Trump was trying his damnedest to obstruct justice. Everybody will probably see them shortly, BE PATIENT. :)

On that note, look which Republican jizz-weasel seems to want to do his job all of a sudden for some reason:

Maybe his mangled hind paw is feeling all better now and he has a new lease on life, now that his foot surgery is over.

Anyhow, our theory of James Comey being a good guy comes more true every day! We literally CAN'T WAIT for the next OMG revelation, which will probably come out after dinner.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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