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James Mattis Hurt Our Delicate President's Feelings, Gets Pushed Out Two Months Early.

Trump

Earlier this morning, The New York Times reported that Donald Trump might push James Mattis out two months early, on account of how mad he was after respected news organizations like Wonkette laughed and laughed at how, in his resignation letter, Mattis basically called Trump an moron who didn't know that we're supposed to be nicer to our allies than we are to obviously unhinged dictators.


Aides said that the president was furious that Mr. Mattis's resignation letter — in which he rebuked the president's rejection of international allies and his failure to check authoritarian governments — had led to days of negative news coverage. Mr. Mattis resigned in large part over Mr. Trump's hasty decision to withdraw American forces from Syria.

Although Trump had apparently "read" Mattis' resignation letter, he apparently did not realize he had been insulted in it until it was pointed out on television.

When Mr. Trump first announced that Mr. Mattis was leaving, effective Feb. 28, he praised the defense secretary on Twitter, saying he was retiring "with distinction." One aide said that although Mr. Trump had already seen the resignation letter when he praised Mr. Mattis, the president did not understand just how forceful a rejection of his strategy Mr. Mattis had issued.

Either that or someone read it to him and simply left out all the stuff that might have hurt his feelings. Anyway, he was real mad about it when he did find out, and wanted everyone to know that, actually, he only ever hired him out of pity and that ruining our relationship with our allies in order to forge new ones with every lunatic dictator on the planet was a good thing.

This has since come to pass, and Mattis will now be out by January 1st, replaced by Deputy Secretary of Defense Patrick Shananhan, who will probably be out in a few months himself if he can't come up with enough ways to tell our delicate president his hair looks nice.

He hires the best people!

ANYWAY. This is your Sunday open thread! Since it's Festivus, I have decided to provide you all with a beautiful picture of an aluminum pole, so that you may gather round it and air your grievances. Which, sure, you were probably going to do anyway, but it's nice to have an official, festive, reason.


[The New York Times]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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