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Jan Brewer Admits Most Desert Corpses Have Heads, Are In 'Mint Condition'

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One of Jan Brewer's favorite hobbies is searching for all the human heads that are geocached in the desert. (Sometimes these heads are not even "cached," and can be seen rolling around like tumbleweeds.) This is why Jan Brewer got PTSD when reporters hounded her about "desert beheadings" during her first and ONLY debate -- can't we just trust Jan Brewer and move on? All the human heads Jan Brewer finds in the desert are still attached to their respective bodies, okay? Are you happy now, jerks?


"That was an error, if I said that," the Republican told The Associated Press on Friday. "I misspoke, but you know, let me be clear, I am concerned about the border region because it continues to be reported in Mexico that there's a lot of violence going on and we don't want that going into Arizona."

She said she was referring to beheadings and other cartel-related violence in Mexico in comments she made earlier this summer about decapitated bodies found in the state's southern region.

Tune in next week when Jan Brewer takes off her sexy blonde wig and reveals to the world that she is really John Boehner.

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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