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Jan Brewer Can't Write Her Book Because Obama Always Bothering Her

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Jan Brewer is writing some hottt newpolitical book about the meth orgies Bristol Palin used to throw with Jesus and Joe Arpaio in the basement of Bristol's bland foreclosed Arizona drug palace, but Brewer is a little behind on the manuscript deadline already slated for release on November 1 for reasons oh-so beyond her control. Who is there to blame? Maybe her legislative agenda or her hair appointments or just some random brown guy always named José? NO, GUESS HARDER. No? Oh fine, it's Barack Obama causing all problems, as usual. "I'm working away, trying to get this all done on the weekends and late at night, trying to get it done, and all of a sudden, here we go: he starts it all up again,'' she told a reporter. What's Obama doing, calling her on the phone every night to leave sexy messages reminding her she looks like John McCain in drag? 


The East Valley Tribune reports:

The governor told Capitol Media Services Monday she essentially had completed her writing of "Scorpions For Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos to Secure the Border.'' And then, "something came up.''

"I'm working away, trying to get this all done on the weekends and late at night, trying to get it done, and all of a sudden, here we go: He starts it all up again,'' Brewer said.

The "he'' is Barack Obama. And what he restarted, the governor said, is what she sees as another hit to border security, this time with the administration's plans to stop deporting some illegal immigrants, focusing its resources instead on those with criminal backgrounds.

If Jan Brewer's hair looks like a giant blob of glue got tangled in a mop today, that is also Barack Obama's fault. [East Valley Tribune]

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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