Jared Fogle Decides He's Sovereign Citizen, So He Gets Out Of Prison Now, Right? [Updated]
You see, Jared the person is a corporation. I am Jared the individual. Or am I?
We got a very rude email, and it turned out to be right. Also, God has our email address, but is not the rude one.
Remember back when there was a Jared other than the Kushner one, and he advertised Subway sandwiches until he was convicted of having a bunch of child porn? He's decided that there's no prison that can hold him, because you see, the federal court that convicted him has no power over him: He's a Sovereign Citizen and must be released immediately.
Fogle filed a motion on his own earlier this month in U.S. District Court in the Southern District of Indiana, saying he wanted to correct an “error” regarding subject matter jurisdiction in the case.
That he is a sovereign citizen — a group the FBI calls “a domestic terrorist movement,” believing “federal, state, and local governments operate illegally.” In his motion, Fogle pointed to a “friend of the court” brief that was previously filed by a fellow inmate in the same federal prison, stating, “whether a judicial judgment is lawful depends on whether the sovereign has authority to render it.”
Oops, it didn't work. Last Wednesday, District Judge Tanya Walton Pratt tossed out Fogle's claim, writing in her decision:
If Fogle is now claiming to be ‘sovereign’, the Seventh Circuit has rejected theories of individual sovereignty, immunity from prosecution, and their ilk. [...] Regardless of his theory, Fogle’s challenge of this Court’s jurisdiction is rejected.
Judge Pratt apparently has dealt with these weirdos before, and not even the magic of Sovereign Citizen anti-logic could persuade her that federal courts lack authority over people who declare themselves not subject to their jurisdiction. Which is pretty much what you'd expect from someone so deeply embedded in The System. Pratt also noted that Fogle had pleaded guilty to one count of "distributing and receiving child pornography" and also to a count of "traveling and attempting to travel to engage in illicit sexual conduct with a minor" -- not that claiming he was a sovereign citizen, a free man on the land, or the King of the Sandwich Islands would have done him any good two years ago, either.
Fogle was sentenced to 15 years, and we're sure that at some point in the future he'll find some other stupid goddamned way of preventing us from forgetting his name. In 2030 he's probably got a decent shot at a Senate seat, as long as he runs as a Republican in Alabama.
This week hasn't killed us yet. Won't you help us NOT TO DIE?
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.