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One of the oddest, and probably most important, plot points in the story of why Donald Trump rolls over like a submissive Pomeranian for the Saudis, and even is willing to excuse their bone saw murder of an American resident Washington Post journalist, is the question of just how much the Saudis own Trump's ass financially, and if they did almost as much NO COLLUSION to help Trump steal the 2016 election as Russia did.

This post is partly about that, but it's primarily about Jared Kushner's slumber parties with Mr. Bone Saw himself, crown prince Mohammed bin Salman. The New York Times reported this weekend that even after the bone saws started flying and the journalists started dying of bone-saw-related injuries, Jared and MBS remained tight. As in, they still text each other .GIFs and emojis and probably can't even fall asleep until they've said good night on text. They are that close.


The Times notes that last year, the National Security Council was kind of freaked out when it realized Jared was having these off-the-record Snapchat conversations with MBS, and tried to put rules in place to curtail that behavior. Jared and MBS were supposed to have adult chaperones each and every time they talked, and under no circumstances was Jared allowed to go necking in MBS's car. But nothing worked. They still texted. (Jared has been acting like this A LOT since the inauguration, with various and sundry nations whose intelligence services view him as a total chump.)

In fact, they said, the two men were on a first-name basis, calling each other Jared and Mohammed in text messages and phone calls.

And then that little MURDER happened, which made everybody pull back, wondering if maybe their relationship had moved too fast, hahahaha just kidding, they kept texting.

"SUP JARED!"

"SUP, MOHAMMED!"

"DID A BONE SAW THING LOL."

"LMAO I SAW ON THE NEWS."

And guess who in the White House is the first to defend MBS lately, even after all the bone saws (and also the other things Congress and good Americans care about, like the Saudi war on Yemen, which has caused a humanitarian crisis of truly dire proportions)? That would be Jared.

Anyway, we sort of knew that JK and MBS were BFFs 4ever, and we had no reason to suspect they broke up because of a little bone saw, so that part of the NYT's reporting isn't exactly WHOA IF TRUE. After all, Jared took a secret trip to Saudi Arabia in the fall of 2017 and stayed up giggling until 4:00 AM with MBS, and literally like a week later MBS was locking up his family in the Riyadh Ritz-Carlton and torturing people he viewed as his enemies, perhaps based on intel given to him by Jared. (Earlier that year, in March, was Trump's first foreign trip, which was to Saudi Arabia. After that trip, MBS kicked off his blockade of Qatar, which Trump was totally cool with, even though fucking CENTCOM is in Qatar.)

Hell, MBS has been bragging this whole time that he has Jared "in his back pocket." Because that's a totally normal relationship between the crown prince of Saudi Arabia and the (cough) crown prince of America.

The NYT digs deeper, though, into how that relationship came about. It turns out the Saudis were cultivating Jared as an asset this whole time, just like the Russians have been cultivating Trump people as assets this whole time, including in November 2016, just after Trump was elected:

A delegation of Saudis close to the prince visited the United States as early as the month Mr. Trump was elected, the documents show, and brought back a report identifying Mr. Kushner as a crucial focal point in the courtship of the new administration. He brought to the job scant knowledge about the region, a transactional mind-set and an intense focus on reaching a deal with the Palestinians that met Israel's demands, the delegation noted.

In other words, "That one right there is our idiot. The one with the dimples and the wife Trump has boners for." In fact, the Saudis took a slide presentation back to Riyadh after that trip that made special note of just how ignorant Jared was.

The invite for Trump's first foreign trip, where he went to grab big Saudi orbs by the pussy and got a hero's welcome, was apparently also extended on that November 2016 trip. Also the Saudis made sure to talk a lot that week about big money defense contracts with America, in case you're wondering where at least one of the inflection points for Trump's weird obsession with Saudi investments came from, and why that means a bone saw murder here and there is not that big of a deal.

Jared was really into the idea of making Trump's first foreign trip a Saudi Arabia trip. Rex Tillerson wasn't into it, because as we learned from the president on Twitter a few days ago, Rex Tillerson is a dumb lazy ass. Obviously Jared won!

And so it was that JK and MBS began to fall in love, like amoral power-hungry thirty-somethings do, and pretty much everything the Trump administration has done regarding Saudi Arabia has been the fruit of that relationship:

"The relationship between Jared Kushner and Mohammed bin Salman constitutes the foundation of the Trump policy not just toward Saudi Arabia but toward the region," said Martin Indyk, a fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations and a former Middle East envoy. The administration's reliance on the Saudis in the peace process, its support for the kingdom's feud with Qatar, an American ally, and its backing of the Saudi-led intervention in Yemen, he said, all grew out of "that bromance."

Awwwww how special.

You really need to fix a cup of coffee and READ THE WHOLE THING, as they say on the internet, because the Times goes even further back, to the Trump campaign, which is where the Saudi cultivation of Jared and the rest of the Trump administration started. Trump's longtime best friend Tom Barrack, a Lebanese-American investor who ran Trump's inauguration slush fund, and whose name we feel like we're going to be hearing a LOT in the coming months, intro'd Jared to the Emiratis during the campaign, and the Emiratis were big backers of MBS's ascension to power in Saudi Arabia. Seeds were obviously planted!

If you're wondering if special counsel Robert Mueller is all over this shit, the answer is that yes, duh, obviously he is. He's had his sights on Jared for ages, particularly as regards how Jared MAYBE PROBABLY has been using his foreign relationships to grift not only for Trump but also for his own family's failing businesses.

Then there's that whole thing about George Nader, the Lebanese-American who is now a cooperating witness for Mueller, who has been an emissary for both MBS and Emirati crown prince Mohammed bin Zayed Al Nahyan of Abu Dhabi, and who brokered that bizarre meeting in the Seychelles just before the inauguration, the one where Blackwater sadist Erik Prince met with creepy Russian Kirill Dimitriev, who runs a sovereign wealth fund closely tied to the Kremlin. Nader was at Trump Tower in December of 2016 with Jared, Steve Bannon, and the goddamned crown prince of Abu Dhabi, for who knows what goddamn reason. Nader was also present for the less-talked-about August 3, 2016, Trump Tower meeting, where a whole buttload of Middle Easterners curiously presented Donald Trump Jr. with a proposal to help ratfuck the election for Trump.

Weird, right?

All this shit is connected. We just don't know how yet.

Indict somebody and tell us the full story, Robert Mueller!

We are dying over here!

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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