Jason Isbell Gonna Set 30-50 Feral Hogs On Ben Shapiro Now
Couple of things to get out of the way right now: If you don't know who Jason Isbell is, just pretend you do, do some Spotify homework, and then act like you were on the bandwagon the whole time. It's fine. Suffice it to say he's one of the best singer-songwriters we have right now, he's southern, he's liberal as fuck, and we can't say enough nice things about him. (Isbell used to be in Drive-By Truckers with fellow Alabama boy Patterson Hood, but then he left to embark on what has been a ridiculously fruitful and wonderful solo career. Isbell's wife is the brilliant Amanda Shires, who is in The Highwomen with Brandi Carlile, who recently went viral for playing with Dolly Parton at the Newport Folk Festival. Collectively, all the people we just mentioned are making some of the most vital music that's out there right now. And now you know some things!)
Second, if you don't know why the internet is talking about "30-50 feral hogs" right now, then you need to get a damn account on the internet and LEARN THINGS. There is an explainer on every website, but basically, the story is that Jason Isbell tweeted a thing about assault weapons, and some rando was like "WELL WHAT'M I 'POSED TO DO ABOUT THE 30-50 FERAL HOGS WHO SHOW UP IN A VERY SPECIFIC PERIOD OF TIME EVERY TIME MY YOUNG CHILDREN PLAY OUTSIDE?"
@JasonIsbell Legit question for rural Americans - How do I kill the 30-50 feral hogs that run into my yard within 3… https://t.co/mm7x3IckIj— William McNabb (@William McNabb)1564934491.0
We guess he needs to shoot indiscriminately into the crowd of 30-50 feral hogs (and his children???) in order to control the situation. (And actually, that is not the correct way to handle 30-50 feral hogs. You have to blow them up. WE ARE ALL LEARNING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.)
As Vox notes, what began after that was perhaps the only good day in the history of Twitter. It's even better than what happens every two to three weeks when Andrew Lawrence from Media Matters decides to troll gunhumpers everywhere by insisting that the "AR" in "AR-15" stands for "assault rifle," and then sits back and watches them lose their fuckin' minds.
Which ... come to think of it, those two things are related. They involve the liberal internet using gunhumpers as chew toys and gunhumpers having conniptions, which brings us to Ben Shapiro, who has also decided that he'd like to play with Jason Isbell, who, on top of his talent, is reportedly just a very cool motherfucker, which would make him the polar opposite of Ben Shapiro, as humans go.
What we are saying is that this is not a fair fight.
Responding to Isbell's original tweet:
Actually, no, I don't "know what an assault weapon is." And neither do you. And when it comes to policy and lawmaki… https://t.co/sf08bR9mZ1— Ben Shapiro (@Ben Shapiro)1565110149.0
It wasn't an honest question like that what came from Mr. McNabb. It was ... Ben Shapiro whacking off to funhouse mirror pictures of Ben Shapiro that make him look normal-size.
We don't know the exact origin story of Shapiro's claim that nobody, including he, knows what an "assault weapon" is, but we are guessing it is of a piece with every gunhumper's argument that if you don't know the exact specifications of an AR-15, you don't have any business participating in conversations about whether they should be banned. (Told you this ties into the internet game about what "AR" stands for.)
Of course, as it turns out, we DO have definitions for assault weapons. We can look at the 2013 Assault Weapons Ban introduced by Dianne Feinstein. And hell, Bill Clinton actually managed to get the damn things banned in the 1990s, so we could go back and look at that.
I’ve owned and fired those guns. Grew up in Alabama, and they were all over the place. You pretend to be confused i… https://t.co/TNtl7OgRC2— Jason Isbell (@Jason Isbell)1565111204.0
Jason Isbell has the patience for this.
That's as far as it's gone at this point -- Shapiro replied, but it's weak sauce -- so really, Wonkette is only writing this post to egg Isbell on. If he needs suggestions for other people we'd like to watch him fight, our email is in our bio and our Twitter DMs are on our Twitter, where you'd expect to find 'em.
In the meantime, here are some Jason Isbell songs for you to listen to, in order than you may LEARN THINGS:
Jason Isbell, The 400 Unit - Alabama Pines www.youtube.com
Tupelo: Jason Isbell, Emmylou Harris and Amanda Shires www.youtube.com
Jason Isbell - Stockholm (/w Lyrics) www.youtube.com
You want a damn OPEN THREAD? Have one.
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