Stuck in his own zipper again.

BREAKING NEWS, Jeb Bush opened his mouth and his dick came out and then he stepped on it:

“I was commander-in-chief of the National Guard. I visited Iraq and Afghanistan. The National Guard in Florida took the responsibility of running Abu Ghraib prison. I walked that prison. I saw the heroic effort of the citizen soldiers taking care of their job with great distinction. I supported our Guard in every possible way.”

I ... just ... was Jeb Bush actually ALIVE during the Abu Ghraib scandal? Is he talking about THIS Abu Ghraib prison?

The prison at Abu Ghraib was notorious for its treatment of those confined within its walls long before U.S. Army Private Lynndie England dragged a naked Iraqi prisoner around on a dog leash.

In 2004, a scandal erupted when enlisted U.S. soldiers were investigated for abusing Iraqi detainees through physical and sexual torture. Leaked photographs from cellblock 1A and 1B showed prisoners hooded and nude, cowering beside prison dogs, forced into sexual positions and piled on top of each other. At least one was attached to wires and made to stand on a rickety box, allegedly told that were he to fall he’d be electrocuted.

For the human-rights violations, at least 11 American military police personnel were arrested, charged, dishonorably discharged and sentenced to prison — including England, who served three years in a naval prison. Others who made plea deals testified at her trial.

FUCK, Jeb! What the, oh our fucking God, of all the million things you could say about how you'd do foreign policy good, "I WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THE FOLKS WHO RAN ABU GHRAIB, HECKUVA JOB!" IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

Jeb Bush's entire life is an open fly, isn't it? Or his head stuck in a zipper. Or his head stuck IN THE ZIPPER OF HIS OPEN FLY, we do not even know.

Jeb would like to try again, also too:

“I know a little bit about this because I was governor the state of Florida and frankly Brian, I’ve also had a front seat,” continued Bush. “I’ve had a brother who was president. I’ve had father who was president and I’ve learned from them a lot as well.”

[contextly_sidebar id="XYEn8QKdWd8R3lEhBbYz5YQWnTYzGGo4"]Really, Jeb? Because as we seem to remember it, Jeb can't even decide exactly what he actually learned from his warmongering, codpiece-sportin', dry drunk dipshit of a brother. In the space of a week, he said either he WOULD still go to war with Iraq, "knowing what we know now," or maybe he wouldn't (he said one day later), but we shouldn't focus on all those Hard Questions because won't somebody think of the troops (one day after that), but anyway, nope he wouldn't invade no more (yet one day after that), knowing what we know now, because guess the troops don't matter all that much, D'OH I'M JEB AND BEIN' THE DUMBEST BUSH BROTHER SURE DOES MAKE JEBBY'S BRAIN HURT.

For the love of Christ and also out of respect for your perpetually ashamed mother, Jeb, delete your mouth.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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