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Stuck in his own zipper again.


BREAKING NEWS, Jeb Bush opened his mouth and his dick came out and then he stepped on it:

“I was commander-in-chief of the National Guard. I visited Iraq and Afghanistan. The National Guard in Florida took the responsibility of running Abu Ghraib prison. I walked that prison. I saw the heroic effort of the citizen soldiers taking care of their job with great distinction. I supported our Guard in every possible way.”

I ... just ... was Jeb Bush actually ALIVE during the Abu Ghraib scandal? Is he talking about THIS Abu Ghraib prison?

The prison at Abu Ghraib was notorious for its treatment of those confined within its walls long before U.S. Army Private Lynndie England dragged a naked Iraqi prisoner around on a dog leash.

In 2004, a scandal erupted when enlisted U.S. soldiers were investigated for abusing Iraqi detainees through physical and sexual torture. Leaked photographs from cellblock 1A and 1B showed prisoners hooded and nude, cowering beside prison dogs, forced into sexual positions and piled on top of each other. At least one was attached to wires and made to stand on a rickety box, allegedly told that were he to fall he’d be electrocuted.

For the human-rights violations, at least 11 American military police personnel were arrested, charged, dishonorably discharged and sentenced to prison — including England, who served three years in a naval prison. Others who made plea deals testified at her trial.

FUCK, Jeb! What the, oh our fucking God, of all the million things you could say about how you'd do foreign policy good, "I WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THE FOLKS WHO RAN ABU GHRAIB, HECKUVA JOB!" IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

Jeb Bush's entire life is an open fly, isn't it? Or his head stuck in a zipper. Or his head stuck IN THE ZIPPER OF HIS OPEN FLY, we do not even know.

Jeb would like to try again, also too:

“I know a little bit about this because I was governor the state of Florida and frankly Brian, I’ve also had a front seat,” continued Bush. “I’ve had a brother who was president. I’ve had father who was president and I’ve learned from them a lot as well.”

[contextly_sidebar id="XYEn8QKdWd8R3lEhBbYz5YQWnTYzGGo4"]Really, Jeb? Because as we seem to remember it, Jeb can't even decide exactly what he actually learned from his warmongering, codpiece-sportin', dry drunk dipshit of a brother. In the space of a week, he said either he WOULD still go to war with Iraq, "knowing what we know now," or maybe he wouldn't (he said one day later), but we shouldn't focus on all those Hard Questions because won't somebody think of the troops (one day after that), but anyway, nope he wouldn't invade no more (yet one day after that), knowing what we know now, because guess the troops don't matter all that much, D'OH I'M JEB AND BEIN' THE DUMBEST BUSH BROTHER SURE DOES MAKE JEBBY'S BRAIN HURT.

For the love of Christ and also out of respect for your perpetually ashamed mother, Jeb, delete your mouth.

[Buzzfeed]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Presidential contender Kamala Harris held her first official campaign event in South Carolina, a key state in the upcoming Democratic primaries. Friday night, she spoke to a crowd of roughly 1,000 at a town hall at Royal Missionary Baptist Church in North Charleston. She reaffirmed her support for sensible gun safety laws, including universal background checks and closing the "Charleston loophole." She fielded questions from voters about how she'd address mass incarceration. Actual issues were discussed, but then she went and spoiled it all by doing something stupid like eating in public.

Harris filled her tummy with Lowcountry goodness at Rodney Scott's BBQ. Later her press secretary, Ian Sams, tweeted a photo of the senator adding a hefty dollop of Texas Pete to her collard greens because she's civilized. Some chose to interpret this as "pandering." Because some are literally killing us with this.

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Last week, we started getting excerpts from fired acting FBI director Andrew McCabe's new book The Threat: How The FBI Protects America In The Age Of Terror And Trump, and we are both happy and horrified to report that his book tour continues! One of the tidbits we learned in the Washington Post review was that we have YET ANOTHER example of a time Donald Trump has shown us that he trusts Vladimir Putin more than he trusts his own intelligence community, and is probably compromised by the Russian president. Here's how the Post put it:

During an Oval Office briefing in July 2017, Trump refused to believe U.S. intelligence reports that North Korea had test-fired an intercontinental ballistic missile — a test that Kim Jong Un had called a Fourth of July "gift" to "the arrogant Americans."

Trump dismissed the missile launch as a "hoax," McCabe writes. "He thought that North Korea did not have the capability to launch such missiles. He said he knew this because Vladimir Putin had told him so."

Guys, it is SO MUCH WORSE when McCabe tells the story on "60 Minutes," because his account captures the fucking babyshits temper tantrum nature of Trump's reaction to his intel people.

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