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Jeb! Bushsaid a stupid yesterday, because it was a day. And because it was Jeb! Bush, it took a page straight from the Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romneyshire playbook. Let's go to the tape!


“My aspiration for the country and I believe we can achieve it, is 4 percent growth as far as the eye can see. Which means we have to be a lot more productive, workforce participation has to rise from its all-time modern lows. It means that people need to work longer hours and, through their productivity, gain more income for their families. That's the only way we're going to get out of this rut that we're in.”

We are sorry to say this, but Jeb! Bush is right. Three years ago, we worked 16 hours a day, six and a half days a week. Now we're only working 9-hour days, if even that. Sure, we're on maternity leave, but what kind of excuse is "maternity leave"? Sounds Swedish! And don't even get us started on all the golfs and trips to party with the King of Spain that our no-good shiftless "president" perpetrates, to the tune of less than one-third as much vacation time as the previous officeholder, don't quite remember that dude's name.

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Honestly, it's a cheap shot to take Jeb! Bush out of context by quoting his words exactly as he said 'em when what he meant was something else entirely: see, judging by this asshole thing he said in February, he meant that it was very very bad that the administration changed the definition of "full-time" work from 40 hours a week to 30, so people would be eligible for employer-sponsored benefits even when Walmart very smartly, and pro-businessly, ensured all its workers were working, say, 39 and a half hours at most.

“For several years now, they have been recklessly degrading the value of work, the incentive to work, and the rewards of work. We have seen them cut the definition of a full-time job from 40 to 30 hours, slashing the ability of paycheck earners to make ends meet," he said. "We have seen them create welfare programs and tax rules that punish people with lost benefits and higher taxes for moving up those first few rungs of the economic ladder.”

Let's parse! That first part? Changing the ability of paycheck earners to make ends meet? Yeah, determining that 30 hours or more is "full-time" doesn't mean that employers can only give their workers 30 hours worth of work a week! And the "tax rules that punish people with lost benefits"? No, if you work 30 hours or more you GET benefits your employer was too much of a dick to give you before! It is almost like Jeb! Bush is saying things that are the opposite of true, because "pro-business" and "Republican"!

So weird!

Anyhoo, please stop being lazy and shiftless so good American makers like Jeb! Bush can grow the economy (you had nothing to do with it, taker) and then enjoy the fruits of your labor their virtue. (You will know they are virtuous because they are rich. Pretty sure Jesus said that.)

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Also, Mrs. Jeb! Bush has some emeralds she's got her eye on, so get back to that third job and do your part for the economy and Mrs. Jeb! Bush's jewelry needs! If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean.

[ABC]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The Dumb Song Of J. Dinesh Prufrock

A quick Dear Shitferbrains for you smart kids today, in response to our recent piece on Dinesh D'Souza's continued insistence that historian Kevin M. Kruse please bitchslap him with facts again and again. It turns out we picked the wrong historian to lionize, according to "Hadding Scott," who dropped by to let us know we had foolishly referred to a mere Princeton professor instead of to the most comprehensive take-down-er of D'Souza's lies, "Hadding Scott" himself.

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