Michael Sanchez Twitter

What the hell is the richest man in the world doing with this pack of Jerry Springer rejects? We're just a simple East Coast elitist, but we cannot fathom why a guy who can buy a Renoir with his lunch money would get mixed up with the Trash Twins in this tabloid shit. But we do appreciate the break from President Sundowner and the downfall of democracy, so double glove it, kids -- WE'RE GOIN' IN!

Since Jeff Bezos dropped his Medium post accusing the National Enquirer of trying to sextort him, possibly at the behest of Saudi Arabia, the Amazon CEO has been largely silent. His girlfriend Lauren Sanchez has also had the sense to keep her mouth shut. But her brother, Trump-loving "talent" agent Michael Sanchez -- call now to book such luminaries as Carter Page and Scottie Nell Hughes! -- will not shut the fuck up.

According to Sanchez, Bezos has two trusted advisers: international security expert Gavin de Becker and ... Michael Sanchez, talent agent to the dopes! Because OBVIOUSLY. While de Becker counseled his client to use discretion to protect himself, Sanchez advocated playing ball with The Enquirer.

"Lauren calls it a cockfight," Sanchez told Vanity Fair's Gabe Sherman:

Over the last year, he said, he served as an unofficial adviser to the couple as they discussed what would happen if their love affair leaked. "They were talking marriage," he told me. "The three of us had discussed before that, at some point, this was going to be a scandal. My advice was, let's get to the other side. Our analogy was always that they were landing a 747. I told them, 'You're both pilots and you've never landed a 747, but that's what we're trying to do here.'"

Jeff Bezos is ... Ted Striker? And Lauren Sanchez is ... Elaine? OH NO, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO BLOW ROC!

Airplane 2 - She's gonna have to blow the computer. Guess what: the computer likes it!

In Sanchez's telling, after the Enquirer approached the couple in early January with the leaked texts, "Lauren and Jeff called me like 911." Were they calling him for advice, or because they suspected him of being the leaker? (Which he was, although he swears he wasn't the source for the dick pics -- that had to be Lauren sending those around to her girlfriends, right? You know what those 49-year-old mothers of three are like, amirite?)

"I'm not saying I didn't do something," Michael told me. "Until I go under oath, what I can tell you now is that ever since April 20, when I met Jeff, my only goal has been to protect Jeff and Lauren."

If you believe Sanchez, the couple agreed to send him to New York to negotiate with the Enquirer's chief content officer Dylan Howard, but then de Becker stupidly convinced Bezos to announce his divorce, preempting the tabloid's exclusive story about the affair and launching a flame war with AMI. And if you believe Michael Sanchez over Gavin de Becker, we'd like to invite you into the Wonkbasement to meet Batboy and Bill Clinton's secret black son conceived in a gay love affair with Vince Foster.

In reality, Sanchez has been in bed with the magazine and its parent company AMI for years. The Daily Beast reports that Sanchez was the source of emails between his client Scottie Nell Hughes (formerly of Fox News, currently of Russian propaganda front RT America) and Fox host Charles Payne, whom she later accused of rape.

In July 2017, the Enquirer broke the story of an affair between Hughes and Payne. Soon after, AMI-owned Radar Online published a leaked email from Payne to Hughes containing pictures of a blonde wearing a string bikini in a Confederate flag pattern. "I have no problem with this," Payne wrote. "Shocking Emails & Dirty Photos," the story's headline blared.

Hughes went on to file a lawsuit against Fox claiming the network had leaked her name in retaliation after an alleged sexual assault by Payne. But in fact, the leak had originated from Sanchez, two sources confirmed to The Daily Beast.

Sanchez's Twitter feed, which he seems to have protected in the past 36 hours, is chock-a-block with photos of him and Hughes. So if she was troubled by that leak to AMI, she seems to have gotten over it. But Sanchez's relationships with other clients ended less amicably. There is so much crazy shit in the Daily Beast story, but this excerpt strongly implies Sanchez was willing to weaponize his relationship with the tabloid juggernaut to help his friends and harm his enemies.

When [Mary] Murphy, a client of Sanchez's and a judge on So You Think You Can Dance—then hosted by Michael's sister Lauren Sanchez—parted ways with him, Sanchez levied the wild charge that Murphy was a "desperate, cocaine-fueled nymphomaniac" in a breach of contract lawsuit filed in 2012. The suit alleged Murphy had an "addiction to plastic surgery," engaged in a "cocaine-fueled evening of partying," and had "many inappropriate sexual relationships" with crew members from So You Think You Can Dance and Chelsea Lately.

On the same day that Sanchez filed the suit, Radar Online hyped the "new bombshell lawsuit" that it said it had "exclusively obtained."

He seems nice.

So the guy who leaked the texts and then cooked up a story blaming the DEEP STATE and Mossad with his pals Carter Page and Roger Stone is now blaming Gavin de Becker for the whole situation. Vanity Fair reports:

But Michael Sanchez said Bezos and de Becker are framing the scandal as a pro-Trump political hit job to distract the public from a far simpler story: Bezos cheated on his wife and de Becker's security apparatus couldn't prevent Bezos from being caught. Michael said de Becker's judgment is clouded because he has been trying to break Lauren and Bezos up to protect MacKenzie Bezos, a close de Becker friend.

And if Michael Sanchez didn't leak the photos of Jeff Bezos's dick and his own sister's "nether regions", then Lauren Sanchez carelessly forwarded them to her friends, which is obviously Gavin de Becker's fault. Also, these people are nasty fame whores who are clearly going to drag this out long past their allotted fifteen minutes. But at least they aren't going on dementia benders to subvert American democracy so, slow fucking clap for Bezos's big dick and the Dirty Sanchezes.

Mazel Tov, we're sure they'll all be very happy together!

[Vanity Fair / The Daily Beast}

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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