Jeff Sessions Gets Ready For War. Wonkagenda For Thurs., March 1, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things wemay be talking about today!

Robert Mueller is digging into why Trump fired James Comey, and Trump is privately screaming about Jeff Sessions, calling him "Mr. Magoo," and bitching about how he has "the best" lawyers. Sessions aides reportedly bought him a bulletproof vest with his name on it as Trump (still) doesn't understand what the Attorney General actually does.

After Trump tried to throw Jeff Sessions under the bus (again), Sessions was spotted having dinner with deputy Rod Rosenstein and Solicitor General Noel Francisco. I wonder what they talked about?

Jared Kushner got some kickass, super-sized loans after having chatting with lenders about infrastructure policy. (And maaaybe offering one a White House job.) Is that bad? [Morning Maddow]

Trump held another after-school-shooting special with a bunch of Congress critters and freaked out all the gun fetishists when he shot down concealed carry,then called Joe Manchin and Pat Toomey pussies who are afraid of the NRA, THEN advocated seizing guns from the mentally ill without due process. That's right, America, TRUMP IS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS!

The NRA and Dana Loesch are pissed at Donald Trump for even thinking about taking guns from crazy people, with Loesch yelling on Fox about due process, and saving the children with BFGs.

Both Walmart and Dicks Sporting Goods will no longer sell guns and ammo to people under 21, unless they have a really good fake ID.

FedEx has a super sweet deal with the NRA and 86 gun manufacturers, offering shipping costs lower than their competitors. No wonder FedEx wussed out of criticizing the NRA.

While everyone else was talking about the great deluge of news, Tucker Carlson talked to a "brave" Wake Forest student who attempted to press charges on classmates for photoshopping his face on a saltine cracker. So, in the spirit of greater academia, here's a poorly photoshopped picture of this salty honky on a clown horn.

Some nerds have broken out their spreadsheets and made a new analysis of the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) that shows projected estimates were based on fuzzy math, wildly rosy economic speculation, and a spoonful of bullshit.

Boomers better get comfortable waiting in line as the 2019 Social Security Administration budget is calling for more staffing cuts. And you thought the youths were terrible?

Betsy DeVos wants to protect greedy lenders from state laws designed to shield debt-ridden students from insane borrowing agreements that can void contracts without notice or jack up payment rates from month to month. This is exactly what they promised, all of it. Aren't you glad you voted Jill Stein?

Trump's White House is expected to announce tariffs on steel and aluminum imports later today, but don't expect any concrete details.

Now that Hope Hicks has been quit-fired, Trump is going to get super lonely in DC; he has nobody to remind him to feel empathy anymore!

Jared Kushner thinks "everyone is out get him" inside Trump's White House as staffers dodge him in the halls, so he's trying to keep himself busy with Trump's 2020.

Trey Gowdy wants to wake up Ben Carson and drag his ass up to the Hill to explain why he needed so much fancy furniture.

A politically appointed senior aide to VA Secretary David Shulkin,

John Ullyot, has been running around the Hill trying to convince Republicans to call for Shulkin's head, even going so far as to seemingly fake an email implicating Shulkin in a fancy flight scandal.

Ryan Zinke's office is disputing documents that show he's about to overspend his travel budget after spending last year flying around on fancy flights to coddle Republican donors and the NRA.

There's a growing number of Republicans in coastal states pushing back against Ryan Zinke's offshore drilling plans, and they're joining hands with all the hippy liberals who want to keep the beaches pretty.

Because the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) have screwed everything up, the IRS has a new tool that helps you find out if you're withholding too much or too little from your paycheck. Thanks, Uncle Sam?

Steve Mnuchin had a horrible, no good, very bad chat with NPR at UCLA, where he was booed and heckled by students. He really doesn't want the audio released... [Audio] [Archive]

The Trump administration policy of stopping abortions from undocumented immigrants seems to have formed via email by reaching out to sympathetic people in obscure branches of HHS.

An immigration court in Virginia will determine the fate of the wife of an Army Special Forces veteran and DOD contractor; she fled Honduras in 1999 after Hurricane Mitch killed 7,000 people. They have two children, 12 and 9.

The 85-year-old former sheriff and convicted felon Joe Arpaio is boasting about a psychic connection with Donald Trump that allows them to read each other's minds. Like many starcrossed geriatric lovers with a loathing for Mexicans, they also share the same birthday and a love of Sinatra.

The Illinois gubernatorial race is getting gloomy for Republican Governor Bruce Rauner as the latest polls show Democratic candidates JB Pritzker and Daniel Biss leading by double-digits.

Democrats flipped two local legislative seats in Connecticut and New Hampshire. There's still a lot of work to do!

A bunch of Pennsylvania mountain folk had their marriages and AR-15s blessed by a local church while simultaneously scaring the shit out of residents and elementary school children. [Photos & Video]

Australians turned in 57,000 guns as part of an amnesty program meant to get illegal firearms off the street. Authorities reported receiving 2,500 automatic weapons, 29,000 handguns, and a rocket launcher.

Early this morning, Russia claimed to have developed a nuclear-powered cruise missile. Russian President Vladimir Putin then launched into some Cold War-era rhetoric about attacking anyone. Dr. Strangelove was unavailable for comment at press time.

Russia has had the exact opposite of a #MeToo movement as Putin continues to roll back protections for battered women.

A European prostitute who used to screw Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska says she's willing to talk about the pee hooker tape if someone bails her out of a Thai prison, but it's more than likely an elaborate ruse.

Science geeks are blowing minds with the first detected evidence of the "cosmic dawn," the moment when the first stars flicked on their lights.

Story Time! A 55-year-old grandmother, civil rights and city commissioner activist in Georgia has been acquitted of charges of voter fuckery for helping a woman use a voting machine for the first time back in 2012. We're not crying, you're crying!

And here's your morning Nice Time!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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