Jefferson Butterbeans Sessions Gon' Do What He Wants, Donald Trump!

You are not his real dad.

Good news, everyone. There will NOT be a special prosecutor appointed to see if the FBI acted like a common FBI when it did surveillance of Trump campaign foreign policy adviser and probable Russian intelligence asset Carter Page, based on flimsy evidence like because he was recruited by Russian spies several years ago and the FBI knows it. Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who is actually recused from investigations involving "Russia" so we don't know why he's making announcements like this, said Thursday that NOPE, he's not gonna do that, and oh boy, we would have loved to be a fly on the wall to see how MAD that made Donald Trump.

Sessions is, however, going to have one of his lawyerin'-type buddies take a look see and make sure none of the fever dreams/conspiracy theories what come out of Rep. Devin Nunes's butt slit at night AKA the stuff Nunes wrote in his little memo, are true:

Attorney General Jeff Sessions is not naming a new special counsel to investigate Republican-driven accusations against the FBI -- at least for now.

Instead, Sessions revealed Thursday that Utah's top federal prosecutor, John Huber, is looking into allegations that the FBI abused its powers in surveilling a former Trump campaign adviser, and claims that more should have been done to investigate Hillary Clinton's ties to a Russian nuclear energy agency.

As Rachel Maddow pointed out on Thursday night, Huber is one of the few US attorneys -- like Dana Boente, who just got hired as the FBI's general counsel -- who DIDN'T lose his job when Barack Obama left us alone with the bad man named Donald Trump. Wonder what his story is!

Sessions broke the news that a second, unnecessary special counsel would not be investigating the fantasies of Republican members of Congress in a letter to Senator Chuck Grassley, and Republican Reps. Bob Goodlatte and Trey Gowdy, all of whom chair congressional committees on whether it's even OK for America to spy on Russian spies anymore judiciary and oversight stuff. Gowdy recently took great pains to insist that he was NOT BEING PARTISAN when he issued earlier calls for a second special counsel, so this must come as a disappointment. In Sessions's letter, he confirmed news that the Justice Department's inspector general, Michael Horowitz, would be looking into the FBI's actions surrounding the surveillance of Page (and whatever else is in Devin Nunes's stupid memo ... oh yeah! stuff about how Christopher Steele, British spy and dossier author, is the REAL Russian colluder!), and said Horowitz and Huber would work together on this surely very important job. As we've noted previously, if somebody is going to waste their time with bullshit like that, the IG is the appropriate person.

As we mentioned above, Donald Trump is probably so mad about this. He's been mad at Sessions for a year now, because Sessions recused himself from the Russia investigation, which was the only legal thing to do since he was part of the presidential campaign being investigated, and, incidentally had lied to Congress about all his meetings with the Russian ambassador. (Or conveniently forgot!) Trump has tried to obstruct justice in the Russia investigation by attempting to fire Sessions, and has generally spent months verbally abusing the slippery little redneck leprechaun so much we almost feel sorry for him.

Look how mad Trump got when Sessions announced the IG was going to take a look at all this stuff, back in February:

Oh hey, speaking of Jeff Sessions's recusal! Should he be the one making decisions about investigating the investigators investigating Russian interference in the campaign he was a part of? Is that really "recused" behavior? TIME'S UP, because this is a really fucking easy question, and the answer is NO. Jeff Sessions has a very loose definition of what "recused" means, apparently, just like he had a very loose definition when he fired former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe, who is by all accounts a material witness in the obstruction of justice investigation into the president.

Another question: Is it weird that Jeff Sessions is making announcements like this the same day it was reported that Robert Mueller's Team Of Sexxxxy Law Crusaders is looking directly at Russian collusion questions, specifically events at the Republican convention related to a meeting Jeff Sessions had with the Russian ambassador, and also the Trump campaign's machinations to change the GOP platform and turn its frown upside down when it came to Russia? Yes, you are right, that is weird!

Oh well, we're sure it's fine. Jefferson Butterbeans ain't tryin' to do no harm, after all. He's just a common country Alabama boy with a big heart and big dreams, who really hates black people. Why wouldn't you trust him?

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[CNN / Sessions letter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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