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OH, THANK YOU, JEROME CORSI! This week hasn't been nearly stupid enough yet. What we really need to make this Friday perfect is a whole steaming pile of legalistic arglebargle to send us off into the weekend giggling.


Yesssssssss!!!!!

Pleaseohplease have your whack-ass lawyer Larry Klayman file some batcrap crazy nonsense with Grand Marshall of the Justice Department Matthew Whitaker. Legal Twitter awaits your next move with bated breath, sir!


Before we delve into this awesome interview with One America Network, let's have a look at the Twitter profile picture of OAN's National News Correspondent Chris Carter.

NOPE, NO BODIES IN THAT GUY'S BASEMENT. NONE AT ALL, OFFICER!

Okay, ready for the video? It's Exclusive! It's Breaking!

I've instructed my attorneys to file on Monday a criminal complaint against the Mueller investigation and against the Department of Justice for its supervision of the Mueller investigation. The complaint will be filed with the Acting Attorney General Whitaker, and it will be intended to go to the Office of Professional Responsibility in the Department of Justice and also to the Inspector General of the Department of Justice, Horowitz.

Doctor Corsi is making a Citizens Arrest! He's taking you in, Robert Mueller, for the high crime of being mean and not believing a career fabulist when he claims that he deleted his emails about ratfucking the 2016 election and then promptly forgot all about them when the FBI came knocking. You're in BIG TROUBLE, MISTER.

We dare you to read the comments!

All things are possible when you have a superlawyer like Larry Klayman on your team!

assets.rbl.ms

We guess Corsi intends to file an attorney misconduct complaint with the DOJ's Office of Professional Responsibility. Which he is welcome to do. There's even a handy dandy Deep State website just for that!

There's no form to fill out, and they don't even care if it's written in crayon on toilet paper ALLEGEDLY. So you're in luck, Dr. Corsi!

Sadly, this isn't actually a criminal complaint. And you have to have some real evidence of wrongdoing by the prosecutor, not just that he makes you sad. And Meatball ... oh, sorry Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker ... has nothing to do with it. But other than that, you're doing great, Sweetie!

Now it's time to wipe the spittle flecks off your webcam, drink your Metamucil, and take your afternoon nap. Here, watch some TV, Poppy. Have you seen that CNN is hiring Farrakhan now?

Time to write to Whitaker for to arrest CNN!

[DOJ]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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