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OH, THANK YOU, JEROME CORSI! This week hasn't been nearly stupid enough yet. What we really need to make this Friday perfect is a whole steaming pile of legalistic arglebargle to send us off into the weekend giggling.


Yesssssssss!!!!!

Pleaseohplease have your whack-ass lawyer Larry Klayman file some batcrap crazy nonsense with Grand Marshall of the Justice Department Matthew Whitaker. Legal Twitter awaits your next move with bated breath, sir!


Before we delve into this awesome interview with One America Network, let's have a look at the Twitter profile picture of OAN's National News Correspondent Chris Carter.

NOPE, NO BODIES IN THAT GUY'S BASEMENT. NONE AT ALL, OFFICER!

Okay, ready for the video? It's Exclusive! It's Breaking!

I've instructed my attorneys to file on Monday a criminal complaint against the Mueller investigation and against the Department of Justice for its supervision of the Mueller investigation. The complaint will be filed with the Acting Attorney General Whitaker, and it will be intended to go to the Office of Professional Responsibility in the Department of Justice and also to the Inspector General of the Department of Justice, Horowitz.

Doctor Corsi is making a Citizens Arrest! He's taking you in, Robert Mueller, for the high crime of being mean and not believing a career fabulist when he claims that he deleted his emails about ratfucking the 2016 election and then promptly forgot all about them when the FBI came knocking. You're in BIG TROUBLE, MISTER.

We dare you to read the comments!

All things are possible when you have a superlawyer like Larry Klayman on your team!

assets.rbl.ms

We guess Corsi intends to file an attorney misconduct complaint with the DOJ's Office of Professional Responsibility. Which he is welcome to do. There's even a handy dandy Deep State website just for that!

There's no form to fill out, and they don't even care if it's written in crayon on toilet paper ALLEGEDLY. So you're in luck, Dr. Corsi!

Sadly, this isn't actually a criminal complaint. And you have to have some real evidence of wrongdoing by the prosecutor, not just that he makes you sad. And Meatball ... oh, sorry Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker ... has nothing to do with it. But other than that, you're doing great, Sweetie!

Now it's time to wipe the spittle flecks off your webcam, drink your Metamucil, and take your afternoon nap. Here, watch some TV, Poppy. Have you seen that CNN is hiring Farrakhan now?

Time to write to Whitaker for to arrest CNN!

[DOJ]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Y'all saw that crazy shit that happened at the White House today when Chuck 'n' Nancy went to visit Trump to talk about averting a government shutdown, and Chuck 'n' Nancy ended up playing foosball with Trump's face while he screamed "WALL!" over and over again? It was so great.

During the meeting, Trump interrupted Pelosi a whole lot, and she responded by not giving a fuck and making fun of him to his face about how all she does is win, while Trump was left to whine about how nobody ever talks about how "he" won the Senate for the GOP. (The Senate election schedule, which heavily favored Republicans in the 2018 midterms, won the Senate for the GOP.)

When Pelosi walked out of the White House, she looked like some kinda badass spy walking away at the perfect moment, right before the building explodes. (We are not saying Nancy Pelosi blowed up the White House! OK fine, she did it WITH VOTES.)

But Pelosi's day of dick-punching Trump right in his orange face was not over!

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James Alex Fields mugshot

This morning, after spending Monday hearing victim impact statements, the jury in James Alex Fields's trial -- which on Friday found him guilty on all 10 counts he was charged with -- delivered their sentencing recommendations.

For the murder of Heather Heyer, the Charlottesville jury gave Fields a life sentence and a fine of $100,000. For each of the three charges of aggravated malicious wounding, they sentenced him to 70 years and fines of $70,000. For each of the five charges of malicious wounding, 20 years in prison and fines of $10,000, and nine years for the hit and run. All in all, this comes out to a life sentence plus 419 years and $480,000. Judge Richard Moore accepted the jury's verdicts, but will hold off on officially sentencing Fields until March 19.

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