Jesse Jackson Shows Ted Cruz How 'Green Eggs And Ham' Should be Read

News

Doktor Zoom

September 25, 2013 09:05 AM

Last night, some weasel-faced Canadian read Green Eggs and Ham to the Senate. Here's a clip of Jesse Jackson giving the book justice on SNL after Theodore Geisel died in 1991. (It's not the full version, unfortunately; completists can find a not-great-quality version -- which we could not embed, unfortunately -- here.)

[Read more at HappyNiceTimePeople.com]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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ACLU: We've Been Beating The Shit Out Of Unaccompanied Minors For Years

Our heart hurts.

Culture

Screenshot- CBS News

We might not have been separating children from their parents, but we MAYBE, POSSIBLY, were torturing them physically and emotionally, according to the ACLU.

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The 346,787 Funniest Times Donald Trump Jr. Was A Loser Whose Dad Doesn't Love Him

This MIGHT even make you feel sorry for him. LOL just kidding, fuck him.

Russia

Guys! Gals! Non-binaries! Have you gotten around to reading Julia Ioffe's new profile of Donald Trump Jr. in GQ? We have, and it is delicious. Read it for the art alone, which you will have to click over to see for yourself, because we don't want to steal the thunder of this one chap Nigel Buchanan, who drew the most HILARIOUS picture of Dipshit curled up in a ball literally in his dad's shadow. But also read it for the hilarious anecdotes Ioffe tells, of how Junior is a really sucky person whose father doesn't love him! We already kinda knew Daddy has never loved him all that much -- hell, just follow Ashley Feinberg on Twitter, as she chronicles the social media evidence of that each and every day. And we already know he sucks really hard -- like did you hear about how everybody called him Diaper Don in college because of how much he peed on himself all the time, ALLEGEDLY?