Jesse Lee Peterson Found Out That People Have Oral Sex And He Is Not Okay

Sex

Last night, Politico reported that a former Liberty University student and bandmate of Jerry and Becki Falwell's son was alleging that Becki Falwell once climbed into bed with him, performed oral sex on him, and then proceeded to send him a bevy of creepy Facebook messages.

Also yesterday, by sheer coincidence (really!), fellow evangelical wingnut Jesse Lee Peterson held a discussion with three young men who all think sex is bad about how very surprised he was to discover that it's not just women who are "sluts" who give blow jobs, but normal women as well. Whoa, if true.

In a segment titled "Ladies, Your Mouth Was Not Made For THAT," Peterson went on a rant about the prevalence of oral sex that appeared to make even his little gang of male virgin friends uncomfortable. Though they quickly settled into patiently explaining to him that all women are evil slutty whores now as he stared back at them with childlike wonder.


JLP | Ladies, Your Mouth Was Not Made For THAT youtu.be

He explained:

So we had a women's forum last night, and one of the things that came up, the ladies brought up, you know how we were talking about oral sex on the radio? And I was saying that men should not be doing that because it's like eating out of a trash can? You have the dirt coming out, blood, other people's sex stuff, disease, and y'all eat it out? Not y'all, but other men do?

These women told Jesse Lee Peterson that apparently, women are now doing the oral sex to men (Peterson wasn't sure they called it that when it's done to the man, but was informed by his young friends that it is indeed called that and also that it's not a new thing), and that he needed to address that.

I asked the women if there were many women who knew about this and I was stunned at the answer. I thought it was like a slut thing! I didn't know normal women do that to men.

His friends then informed him that "most women are sluts now."

Peterson then claims that oral sex was not a thing for Black people back when he was growing up, to which his young friends say that it probably was, but in the city, where people love degeneracy. Peterson remained firm though, insisting that sometimes his uncles would come back from their travels to report, with horror, stories about how white people were having oral sex, a thing they would never do.

When I was growing up that was unheard of. For Black people. […] Now I remember when I was a teenager my uncles they would go to Florida to work in the orange fields or to New York, and they would come back and they would talk about how white people were doing that kind of stuff. And we would all kind of laugh about it, "Oh, white people are nasty!" Because it was unheard of. There was no way a Black woman would do that or let that be done to her, and no way a Black man would do that. Now it's the thing to do! That is so crazy!

To that end, allow me to present a stanza from Bessie Smith's "Empty Bed Blues."

He's a deep sea diver with a stroke that can't go wrong
He can stay at the bottom and his wind holds out so long

Hmmm? And that came out in 1928, probably before Jesse Lee Peterson was even born (though you wouldn't be able to tell by his regressive views). What could she possibly be referring to? A literal deep sea diver? Probably not!

Also too, the lyrics to Kitchen Man:

Oh, his jelly roll is so nice and hot
Never fails to touch the spot
I can't do without my kitchen man
His frankfurters are oh so sweet
How I like his sausage meat
I can't do without my kitchen man
Oh, how that boy can open clam
No one else is can touch my ham
I can't do without my kitchen man
When I eat his doughnuts
All I leave is the hole
Any time he wants to
Why, he can use my sugar bowl

So, you know, I'm pretty sure that Jesse Lee Peterson's experience of "oral sex not being a thing for anyone, ever" is fairly unique to him.

At one point, Peterson brought up the fact that a woman told him that oral sex is part of making a woman climax, to which he explained that women are not supposed to be doing that anyway. "Any woman that's climaxing is becoming a man, because it's not normal for women to do that," he said. For what it is worth, you don't have to worry about feeling bad for Jesse Lee Peterson's wife. It appears that he is not, nor has he ever been, married. He has one child, conceived out of wedlock when he was 19.

Of course, I guess this means we now know where Ben Shapiro is getting his sex advice.

The friend in the lower right corner informed Peterson that he is pretty sure that women lie about climaxing and that it is not even possible for women to have an orgasm. The guy in the lower left corner seemed less excited about straight up saying out loud that he felt it was impossible to sexually satisfy a woman, but he admitted that it was possible that they were all making that stuff up.

The general consensus of the group was that oral sex is horrifying and bad and basically the worst thing anyone can do, and that no one should do it, even married couples. Luckily for them, I don't think they'll have to worry about anyone offering.

Now we shall impossibly ask you not to be gross in this, your OPEN THREAD.

[Jesse Lee Peterson]

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc