Jesus Abandons Donald Trump
A really interesting thing in the 2016 U.S. American presidential election has been how literally no major newspaper has seen fit to endorse Donald Trump for the presidency. Even newspapers that always endorse Republicans are like "Nope, nuh uh, we would prefer the girl, as he is a terrifying loon." In the aftermath of #PussyGhazi, who else will abandon Donald Trump? Many evangelical leaders are sticking with him, because they know Jesus died on the cross to wash our hands clean of whatever sins we do with them, even if you are a gross pussy grabber like Donald Trump.
But two of the biggest Christian publications in existence, World and Christianity Today, have assessed this election and said "Nope, nuh uh, we are not saying we would prefer the girl, but if both candidates were on fire, we definitely would NOT pee on Trump." This is actually pretty remarkable, because if you know anything about Christian America, you know both those publications are YOOGE.
Let's glance at a paragraph or two from these endorsements and then laugh at Donald Trump while saying things like "WHERE'S YOUR SHORT-FINGERED GOD NOW?"
Here's Andy Crouch, executive editor of Christianity Today, urging readers to "Speak Truth To Trump." After saying evangelical readers already know Hillary Clinton is an email demon who gets too many dollars from making speeches, he notes that those same readers seem willing to give Trump a pass, even though Trump is a terrible slut, according to the Bible:
This past week, the latest (though surely not last) revelations from Trump’s past have caused many evangelical leaders to reconsider. This is heartening, but it comes awfully late. What Trump is, everyone has known and has been able to see for decades, let alone the last few months. The revelations of the past week of his vile and crude boasting about sexual conquest—indeed, sexual assault—might have been shocking, but they should have surprised no one.
Indeed, there is hardly any public person in America today who has more exemplified the “earthly nature” (“flesh” in the King James and the literal Greek) that Paul urges the Colossians to shed: “sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry” (3:5). This is an incredibly apt summary of Trump’s life to date. Idolatry, greed, and sexual immorality are intertwined in individual lives and whole societies. Sexuality is designed to be properly ordered within marriage, a relationship marked by covenant faithfulness and profound self-giving and sacrifice. To indulge in sexual immorality is to make oneself and one’s desires an idol. That Trump has been, his whole adult life, an idolater of this sort, and a singularly unrepentant one, should have been clear to everyone.
Christianity Today adds a litany of other ways Trump is an "idolater," and concludes that "He is, in short, the very embodiment of what the Bible calls a fool." HARSH JESUS WORDS! Oh, and don't go comparing Trump to King David, Crouch says. While it's true King David did murder and too much boning, he actually gave a fuck about God, unlike Trump. (We are paraphrasing a little.)
The editorial board of World magazine is actually asking Trump to drop out of the race, noting that he's "Unfit For Power":
The standards we applied to Bill Clinton in 1998 are relevant to Donald Trump in 2016. A Clinton resignation would have been good for America’s moral standards in 1998. A Trump step-aside would be good for America’s moral standards in 2016. It’s still not too late to turn the current race between two unfit major party candidates into a contest fit for a great country.
We know our suggestion that Trump step aside will dismay many of his evangelical supporters, for whom we have high regard. We know they are not the “deplorables” Hillary Clinton despises. They are courageous Americans who realize the desperate situation we’re in because of judges and executive branch appointees who legislate, and a Congress that lets them get away with it.
The editorial continues to say yeah yeah, we know a lot of you are voting Trump because he sweet-talks you about appointing judges who will stop all the 'bortion, but it makes a good point about all that sweet talk:
(We’re not sure we should trust Trump to come through on nominations: If a person is unfaithful to his spouse, he’s also likely to be unfaithful to his country.)
Trump's liable to appoint a good "pro-life" judge to the court, and then go grab another judge by the pussy, is what they are saying. (We think.)
Anyway, they are FOR SURE not endorsing Hillary Clinton -- they make that point crystal clear. But they conclude that "standing before God, we cannot say that what WORLD argued concerning a Democrat in 1998 should not apply to a Republican in 2016." OK!
Of course, we think these dorks are being total numbnuts when it comes to Hillary Clinton, but at least they have their standards.
So what is this going to do to Trump's support among evangelicals? Hard to say! Except ...
Trump ... appears to be shedding support among evangelicals, who are usually a wellspring of support for Republican presidential candidates. Monday's poll showed that Trump had only a 1-point edge over Clinton among people who identified as evangelicals. That’s down from a 12-point advantage for Trump in July.
That's a new Reuters/Ipsos poll, as opposed to one of those fake online polls the Trump campaign loves so much.
So has Jesus officially abandoned Donald Trump, like we said above? Ha ha ha, Jesus never was with him in the first place, TRICK QUESTION.