Real Soup Doesn't Come In Cans

Still gotta eat, right? Nothing fancy, nothing difficult this week -- I'm pretty sure none of us is in a mood for any of that. Besides, who has time for it right now? There's a Resistance to build! Meetings to attend, rallies to organize, plans to be made.

But an army, they say, travels on its stomach, so you still want something good. And, let's face it, we're all a little terrified and confused. We want something familiar, soothing, comforting. So, this week, I give you a variation on a much loved, familiar dish. Today, we make:

Super Savory Chicken Soup!

Intoxication level: One or two glasses of wine. You can compose letters to your elected officials while it simmers.

Time: 15 minutes prep, 45 minutes cooking: 1 hour, total.

Serves: You and 5 of your comrades



  • 2 teaspoons butter
  • 2 cups diced chicken ( approximately 3 breasts)
  • 1 cup sliced celery
  • 1 cup chopped carrot
  • 1⁄2 cup chopped onion
  • 1⁄2 teaspoon thyme
  • 1 teaspoon poultry seasoning
  • 1 cup dry white wine
  • 48 ounces (6 cups) Chicken Broth
  • 2 teaspoons chicken bouillon
  • 1 or 2 potatoes
  • parsley, for garnish

Cutting board, a couple of knives, measuring cups and spoons. A pot, with lid, a big spoon for stirring. Keeping it simple.


  • Melt butter in large pot.
  • Add the diced chicken, thyme and poultry seasoning. Cook 5 - 10 minutes, until chicken is lightly browned.
  • Add the celery, carrot and onion. Continue cooking for 5 to 10 minutes.
  • Add the white wine, bring to a boil. Reduce by 1/2.
  • Add chicken broth and bouillon.
  • Bring to a boil.
  • Add potatoes and reduce heat to a high simmer. Cook, covered, for 30 minutes

Ladle into bowls. Sprinkle with parsley, if desired. DEFINITELY serve with a hunk of good bread.

Then get back to work, comrades. There is much to be done.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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