Jim Bakker Had A Stroke (Allegedly) And It's YOUR FAULT (Allegedly)
Jim Bakker is just having the worst time of his life since a mean judge sent him to jail just for scamming $158 million from his followers by selling them fraudulent "vacation packages" at his Christian theme park. Or the time when he got caught using church funds to pay off his secretary to keep her from telling the police or anyone else that she was drugged and raped by his co-host on his old TV show.
Now he's taking his time off from his new TV show, not because of covering up an alleged rape, but because he's had a stroke. And the reason he's had a stroke, according to a message posted to Facebook from his wife Lori Graham Bakker, is because "evil forces" (like Wonkette!) are being so very mean to him about the Silver Solution he was peddling as a cure for COVID-19.
As a family and staff, we continue to fight the good fight of faith and take a stand against the evil forces and hatred that has come against our ministry.
In Jim's words, this has been the most vicious attack that he has ever experienced.
Yes. The most vicious attack he has ever experienced. In his whole life. Including when his good buddy Jerry Falwell called him "the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history" — which was saying a lot, given The Crusades ... and Jerry Falwell himself.
Bakker continued, explaining that the "vigorous warfare" Bakker has had to engage in against various attorneys general and the media (like us!) took a toll on his health and somehow led to him having an actual stroke.
For many years now, Jim has been working non-stop, working hard to bring incredible prophets and guests to our show, discovering and developing new products to share, building at Morningside, and bringing forth the message for the days that we are living in. All of these projects, and the vigorous warfare that we have experienced in the last several weeks, have taken a huge toll on Jim's health.
I wanted to share with you, our loving and caring partners, that Jim recently experienced a stroke. We are thankful that Jim is okay, and that he is now at home with our family. Under the guidance of medical professionals and our Board of Directors, Jim will be taking a sabbatical from the show. Jim will be back! He is still dreaming and hearing from the Lord, and he already has a powerful word to deliver when he returns to the air.
Medical professionals? Why doesn't he just drink some colloidal silver? Or take some of the other wonderful new products he sells on his show? Moreover, why isn't God just healing him immediately?
In the meantime, the show will continue. Jim is a Watchman on the Wall, and we as a family are committed to carrying his mantle by bringing more prophets, news, updates, and more in the coming weeks on The Jim Bakker Show.
He's a what now?
("Watchman on the wall" is a thing Bakker calls himself, inspired by a Bible verse. However, we choose to believe it's a "Game Of Thrones" reference, because shut up, Jim Bakker.)
Earlier this week, former Missouri GOP Governor Jay Nixon, acting as Bakker's lawyer, claimed that not letting him sell snake oil that does nothing but turn people as blue as Tammy Faye's eyeshadow and maybe mess with their kidneys was a violation of his religious freedom. It is probably fair to say that absolutely no one in the history of the world has felt this importantly about getting people to guzzle down colloidal silver.
Interestingly enough, another lawyer who once represented Jim Bakker made some interesting claims as well, back when he was representing him in his parole bid in 1991.
On Thursday Alan Dershowitz, the Harvard law professor who also worked on Mr. Bakker's defense, told Judge Mullen that he could impose any probation requirements he wanted, including barring Mr. Bakker from fund-raising of any kind. Mr. Dershowitz said that would guarantee that Mr. Bakker would never again engage in the blend of religion and commerce that led to his conviction.
Clearly, that didn't take.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse