For a whole week or two, people have been wondering who Barack Obama might select as his running mate -- and for many of youHollywood Liberal Elites, nothing gets your shorts creamier than the thought of charming southern redneck Jim Webb and all the hilarious "White guy drives like this, black guy drives like this" jokes an Obama/Webb ticket would invite. But now people are waking up and realizing this would be the worst idea ever, second only to the Dallas season 9 cliffhanger and possibly New Coke.

You see, Jim Webb's firecracker temperament isn't well suited to the highest yes-man's office in the land. Plus, his thunder thighs misogyny scandal continues to rankle the 18 million ceiling-cracks who voted for Hillary Clinton. Oh and also Senator Webb hearts the Confederacy and says the Civil War wasn't really about slavery -- an idea that, academically debatable or not, will probably not go over too well with uh BLACK VOTERS.

You know who Barack Obama's running mate should be? Tony Perkins. Or Nick Nolte.

Webb's rebel roots: An affinity for Confederacy [Politico]

Anyone but Webb [Slate]