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Trump's mortal enemies or something


OH BOY, there is more news about Donald Trump's prurient obsession with Mika Brzezinski's face blood (which is a very important story you should be following while you ALSO are paying attention to how Kris Kobach is spearheading a national voter suppression effort to soothe Donald Trump's deflated ego over his pathetic popular vote loss). Trump tweeted his bullshit lie about Mika B. getting facelift blood all over Mar-a-Lago during New Year's a few minutes after "Morning Joe" ended Thursday morning, so they didn't get to respond in real time. But good golly, they responded on the show Friday morning, and in an op-ed for the Washington Post, and they have a story to tell about just how creepy and disgusting Donald Trump actually is.

First of all, they need you to know they are personally fine. They were raised by their mamas to be Ford Tough, so don't you worry about them. They'd much rather you worry for America, because JESUS FUCK, Donald Trump has LOST HIS GODDAMN MIND. In case you don't understand what they are getting at, here is the hed for their WaPo piece:

They are just saying.

President Trump launched personal attacks against us Thursday, but our concerns about his unmoored behavior go far beyond the personal. America’s leaders and allies are asking themselves yet again whether this man is fit to be president. We have our doubts, but we are both certain that the man is not mentally equipped to continue watching our show, “Morning Joe.” [...]

The president’s unhealthy obsession with “Morning Joe” does not serve the best interests of either his mental state or the country he runs. Despite his constant claims that he no longer watches the show, the president’s closest advisers tell us otherwise. That is unfortunate. We believe it would be better for America and the rest of the world if he would keep his 60-inch-plus flat-screen TV tuned to “Fox & Friends.”

Better yet, he could turn his TV off and go be the president, but LOL he's fundamentally unqualified for that job.

Joe and Mika explain that Trump's tweets are full of lies, from his claim that they allegedly begged to stay with him at Mar-a-Lago for three days, to the part about how Mika was gushing face blood all over Trump's gold-plated dildo collection. This is consistent with their account at the time. They say, despite the fact that it's NONE YA GODDAMN BIDNESS, Mika has never had a facelift, but one time she got a little skin tuck thing under her chin, because she fucking felt like it.

They write that Trump's attack was just part and parcel of his inability to treat women with respect, and assert yet again (it's been a running theme lately) that they're worried Trump's brain has genital warts.

Now, you ready for the really creepy part? They allude to this in their WaPo piece, but it turns out that this year, Trump and his White House have been trying to blackmail them, to get them to stop criticizing Trump on TV. The National Enquirer, owned by Trump's pal David Pecker, was working on a SALACIOUS STORY about the lovebirds, and White House staffers were constantly harassing them, saying if they would just call President Fuckhead McClownFarts and say how sorry they were, he would kill the story. Joe and Mika told them all to eat a bag of dicks:

JOE: I think we have to talk about it ... because it explains the relationship and his really strange obsession with this show, and in particular, his really disturbing obsession with Mika. We got a call that hey, the National Enquirer is going to run a negative story against you guys, and ... Donald is friends with the ... guy that runs the National Enquirer. And they said if you call the president up, and you apologize for your coverage, then he will pick up the phone and basically spike the story. I had ... three people at the very top of the administration calling me, and the response was like "Are you kidding me?" I don't know what they have, run the story, I'm not going to do it. The calls kept coming and kept coming, and they were like "Call! You need to call! Please call! Come on, Joe, just pick up the phone and call him!"

Gross. As for the three people at the top of the administration, we're going to guess Kellyanne Conway, Jared Kushner and Reince Priebus, because you don't get more "very top of the administration" than chief of staff, personal counselor and daughter-banger. Also they're all little thugs.

Mika B. then talked about how the National Enquirer was harassing her teenage daughters, MAYBE at the direction of Pecker and Trump:

MIKA: They were calling my children. They were calling close friends. And they were pinning the story on my ex-husband, who would absolutely never do that, so I knew immediately it was a lie, and that they had nothing. And these calls persisted for quite some time, and then Joe had the conversations that he had with the White House, where they said, "Oh this could go away."

Joe says on top of this, the tabloid literally staked out Mika's house. Ultimately, though, they decided, "Screw it, let 'em run it," because fuck that baby in the White House, they were not calling him to apologize.

The doubleplus unsmart thing in the White House tweeted Friday morning that Joe and Mika are big liars:

To which Joe Scarborough responded:

For the record, the Enquirer denies all this as well, so you just decide whether you believe serial liar Donald Trump and that tabloid freakshow, or whether you believe Joe and Mika. We'll give you a minute to work through that if you need it.

Some final thoughts from Mika Brzezinski, from the beginning of Friday's show:

It is unbelievably alarming that this president is so easily played. He’s so easily played by a cable news host. What is that saying to our allies? What is that saying to our enemies? That this president is so easily played?

Indeed. And it's fucking stunning that we're even having this conversation about the sitting president of the United States of America.

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[Washington Post / ibid.]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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