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Joe The Plumber's Life Officially Becomes Off-Putting David Lynch Film

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We don't know how to adequately explain thefootage here. Unlicensed craftsman Samuel Wurzelbacher, who is also known as "Joe the Plumber," is doing commercials for some cheap-ass electronics online scam store, in which he both stresses the importance of and promises to offer personal instructions for setting up an analog-to-digital teevee converter that the olds and the hobbits will all have to purchase before February 2009, or else they'll miss new episodes of their favorite program, Numb3rs.


"This isn't about politics -- it's about doing the right thing," Joe the Plumber declares at the outset of this video, gently defusing America's fear that this introductory how-to ad about installing cheap new robot widgets or whatever to the teevee would suddenly devolve into a political rant about illegal Mexicans or the legality of doubling property taxes on seasonal vacation homes.

Later, however, Joe tells us that this is, in fact, about politics. Homeland security, namely.

America, we've never had a transition of this magnitude in the United States. The DTV transition affects the public safety of the United States, so it's imperative that all Americans come together and learn all we can about the DTV transition...

Imperative that we all "come together"? Whatever you say Karl. Oh our bad, your name isn't Karl at all, it's Joe! (Samuel?) It was just that you sounded so much like Karl Marx, when you said that.

We could type about this video for 500 hours. The production values are staggering. He reads in monotone. About the teevee. You see what's going on here, right? The 24% of this country that will sob if a Palin/Plumber ticket doesn't seize the White House in 2012 will do anything this man says. And he's telling them to buy a space gizmo from a shady looking mail-in outlet if they want to have any chance whatsoever of not getting killed by Terrorists immediately.

Joe's DTV Education Corner [Velocity Store]

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If there is one thing that decrepit "rocker" Ted Nugent hates, it is gun-free zones. Over the years, he has insisted that they are very dangerous and pretty much the number one cause of mass shootings. They caused Columbine and mean "more body bags" and "more crime" and even "workplace violence"! They are "killing fields"! THEY ARE ALL THE BAD THINGS!

You see where we're going with this right?

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Oh hey, Maria Butina the Russian spy lady, you are still in jail!

Butina, who was arrested Sunday for being a Russian spy who infiltrated the NRA in order to infiltrate the GOP for her motherland, is supposed to appear in court this afternoon, and in advance of that, prosecutors have filed a really fun motion listing all the reasons Butina should be required to STAY IN JAIL until her trial, at which point she will be found guilty as a common Paul Manafort and have to go to so much more jail. In short, it is because she is a major flight risk, but the document is a much better read than that, and it has boning. Shall we give it a look?

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