Donate

Joe The Plumber's Life Officially Becomes Off-Putting David Lynch Film

News

We don't know how to adequately explain thefootage here. Unlicensed craftsman Samuel Wurzelbacher, who is also known as "Joe the Plumber," is doing commercials for some cheap-ass electronics online scam store, in which he both stresses the importance of and promises to offer personal instructions for setting up an analog-to-digital teevee converter that the olds and the hobbits will all have to purchase before February 2009, or else they'll miss new episodes of their favorite program, Numb3rs.


"This isn't about politics -- it's about doing the right thing," Joe the Plumber declares at the outset of this video, gently defusing America's fear that this introductory how-to ad about installing cheap new robot widgets or whatever to the teevee would suddenly devolve into a political rant about illegal Mexicans or the legality of doubling property taxes on seasonal vacation homes.

Later, however, Joe tells us that this is, in fact, about politics. Homeland security, namely.

America, we've never had a transition of this magnitude in the United States. The DTV transition affects the public safety of the United States, so it's imperative that all Americans come together and learn all we can about the DTV transition...

Imperative that we all "come together"? Whatever you say Karl. Oh our bad, your name isn't Karl at all, it's Joe! (Samuel?) It was just that you sounded so much like Karl Marx, when you said that.

We could type about this video for 500 hours. The production values are staggering. He reads in monotone. About the teevee. You see what's going on here, right? The 24% of this country that will sob if a Palin/Plumber ticket doesn't seize the White House in 2012 will do anything this man says. And he's telling them to buy a space gizmo from a shady looking mail-in outlet if they want to have any chance whatsoever of not getting killed by Terrorists immediately.

Joe's DTV Education Corner [Velocity Store]

$
Donate with CC
Giphy

FINALLY. Of course, we say "finally," because we haven't been behind the scenes in the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees to witness the negotiating and wrangling firsthand, so we don't know what it's taken to make this happen, but clear your calendars for July 17, because Bobby Mueller is goin' to Congress!

Committee chairs Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler sent the letter late yesterday, accompanied by a subpoena, for Mueller to testify at 9 a.m. Eastern on July 17, which is a Wednesday, so you will presumably not be busy with brunch. The hearings for each committee will be back to back, after which members of Mueller's staff will meet with committee staff behind closed doors.

Schiff told Rachel Maddow last night that it should not be viewed as a friendly subpoena, because as we all know, Mueller has been very reluctant to become the star of the political circus this will surely create. However, he's gonna have to suck it up, because as we all saw after what happened when Mueller addressed the nation for 10 whole minutes, there is great value in actually having Mueller breathe life into his own work, for an American audience that hasn't read his 448-page report. (And we don't blame them/you! We probably wouldn't have read it all if it wasn't our job. It would probably be on our "list," like "someday I am going to watch 'The Sopranos' start to finish finally. And then I will read the Mueller Report!")

Point is, it needs to happen on live TV, where people can gather around at work and on the train and in the Fantastic Sams while they gets their hair did, and let this highly respected public servant tell the story of how America's most hostile enemy attacked the 2016 election in order to help Donald Trump, how the Trump campaign was positively orgasmic over that reacharound, and how Trump criminally obstructed the investigation into that hostile foreign attack at every turn.

And because Robert Mueller is a patriotic American who respects the rule of law and our institutions, he will be complying with the subpoena, because of fucking course he will.

Right off the bat, we have a couple of questions:

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Beds at the 'temporary' shelter in Homestead, Florida. US HHS photo.

The House of Representatives passed a $4.5 billion emergency bill to fund detention of undocumented immigrants and asylum seekers yesterday, but the bill's demands that government meet minimal standards of humane treatment led Donald Trump to threaten a veto, because no one puts cruelty in a corner. The bill passed largely along party lines, 230-195, with four progressive Democratic first-term representatives opposing it because they believed the machinery of the New Cruelty shouldn't get a single dollar more. Trump prefers a bill already passed by the Senate, which would provide a similar level of funding $4.6 billion), but lacks the House bill's crazy radical requirements that migrants be held in less horrifying conditions than have been reported in the last week.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc