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John Boehner Cannot Remember Which Of His 11 Siblings Are Hobos

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People think that Republicans are a bunch of posh country club types, but many of them had hardscrabble upbringings! For instance, John Boehner's family was so poor that they couldn't afford condoms, so he grew up in a ramshackle hovel populated by an ever-increasing number of little Boehner children. There ended up being a dozen of them altogether, piled up on blankets in the house's three rooms, alternately huddling together for warmth and fighting each other tooth and nail for whatever scraps of gristle fell on the floor. With that background, is it any wonder that Future Speaker Boehner can't keep track of whether his siblings are employed, or even who they are?


The Christian Science Monitor held some sort of confab on unemployment, and John Boehner insisted that, despite his active campaigning against the extension of unemployment insurance, he does not want the unemployed ground up into hamburger per se. He made the following bumbling attempt at relating as a fellow human to America's many unemployed, none of whom, we assume, were invited by the CSM to this little meeting:

I've got real empathy for those who are unemployed, as most of you know I've got 11 brothers and sisters. I know that three of my brothers lost their jobs, I'm not sure whether they've found jobs, yet, so I've got a lot of empathy for those caught in this economic downturn.

Ha ha, there are so many Boehners that he can't even keep track of which ones are unemployed! Since John has a big-shot government job, couldn't he find cushy gigs on his staff for some of his hobo brothers? No, because he's a Fiscal Conservative, and there are so many of these people that it would literally cause the government to go bankrupt if he were to do so.

Anyway, this story about all his brothers and sisters answers a question that, according to Google, millions of Americans are asking:

Yes, why is John Boehner orange? New theory: growing up in such a big family, he had to develop a "thick skin," and now he is attempting to reinforce it with a layer of leathery tan-scab. (Thanks to Wonkette reader "Lily E." for the tip!) [The Hill]

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