John Bolton Plays Hard to Get

Photo by Liz Gorman, mustache by Frederick's of Hollywood.

Crazed nutjob/American Ambassador to the UN John Bolton is apparently quite a catch. The man's a bit media shy, seldom available to the press for one-on-one interviews. Unless, of course, you're a big-breasted woman with a position on Israel somewhere to the right of Meir Kahane -- as, conveniently enough, crazed nutjob/blogger Pamela "Atlas" Oshry is, helping her to score (ugh) two exclusive, bubbly interviews ("yeah, baby"?!?) with the man (one of which we've previously touched on [ugh again]).

Sadly, if you don't display a banner on your blog identifying yourself as a "fan of disproportionate response," you have a slightly harder time of it. Even with boobs! After the jump, learn the tragic tale of rejection by a man who looks like he ought to try to keep his options open.

Blogger Taylor Marsh would seem like a good candidate for one of Bolton's exclusive blog interviews -- she's Miss Missouri 1974, fer chrissakes, and we know how John likes his pageant winners -- but there's one problem: she doesn't seem to want to assassinate Kofi Annan. Also, if she did, she probably wouldn't announce said goal in an online video of her wearing a bikini (well, maybe in 1974).

So she was unceremoniously refused.

Finally, I got through. Richard Grennel answered the phone. Hostile doesn't begin to cover it, but at least he'd read my piece, which got our conversation started off with a thrust, let me tell you. I explained I'd like 5-10 minutes with Ambassador Bolton, which promptly was shot down with an "actually probably not" that I wouldn't get it.

It looks like we have a much clearer idea of Bolton's taste -- which means we, the people, need to find a trashier, more gratingly-accented MILF-citizen-journalist to put the man at ease, possibly while wearing leopard-print, and then hold his mustache to the fire.

We therefore recommend Katherine Harris. She won't have much to do come mid-November.

John Bolton Won't Talk to Me [Taylor Marsh]


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