John Conyers Resigns In Disgrace, Al Franken *Probably* Out Door Tomorrow. And How's Your Day, Mr. President?

DAMMIT! Look, we know nobody's perfect. But is every man over 60 a disgusting pervert? Will we eventually learn that everyone's dad was a habitual ass-grabber who skeeved on women at the office? Did they all do it because they knew they could? (And if yes, can we stop crapping on the millennials, please!)

After yet another woman came forward to accuse Senator Al Franken of sexual harassment, Democratic women Senators led the charge calling for his resignation. Even a few male colleagues figured out that Democrats probably shouldn't have a groping pervert in the caucus, so HOORAY, NOT ALL MEN! Or something. Franken is scheduled to hold a press conference tomorrow where he will likely resign, leaving Minnesota's Democratic Governor Mark Dayton to fill the seat for the remainder of Franken's term. We are beyond disgusted, and your Five Dollar Feminist would re-circumcise him herself if she could. (Such a shandah!)

And speaking of men who let down the whole team, John Conyers resigned from the House of Representatives after weeks of stories about sexual harassment going back decades. Members of the Congressional Black Caucus are furious that the 88-year-old civil rights icon was pushed out while gropey Al Franken is still in the Senate, at least until tomorrow. Via Politico, 

"Certainly it seems as if there is indeed a double standard," said Rep. Marcia Fudge (D-Ohio), who was involved in Conyers' retirement negotiations last week before [Rep. Sheila] Jackson Lee and Monica Conyers derailed them. "When it happens to one of us, we're guilty until proven innocent. They're just finally starting to talk about Blake Farenthold, who is a member sitting here who paid out $84,000."

Fair enough. Far be it from Your Wonkette to deny the existence of structural racism. Congressman Footie Pajamas is indeed a gross, white dude. But more importantly, abusing women is a feature not a bug in today's GOP, so Farenthold is likely to get away with being a disgusting pervo monster. And while we would never compare an asshole like Farenthold to Conyers, who actually made the world a better place, Conyers also paid a settlement and faces multiple, credible accusers.

The Conyers family hasn't exactly covered themselves in glory on the way out the door, either. With Conyers hospitalized, his wife Monica Conyers and Rep. Jackson Lee have been negotiating his exit strategy. Last week they put the kibosh on a planned resignation announcement, giving Conyers time to endorse his son John Conyers III as a replacement on Tuesday. Conyers's great-nephew Ian Conyers, a Michigan state senator, is also staking his claim to the seat, according to WaPo.

“I said, ‘Sir, if you decide that you’re going to retire, give me a heads-up because I’m going to run for your seat and keep doing the work that you have been up to,’” Ian Conyers said. “He said, ‘Absolutely. You go for it. Run.’”

On top of apparent machinations to shoehorn her son into Congress by Mrs. Conyers, who spent two years in jail for taking a bribe as a Detroit councilwoman, Michigan voters are facing the prospect of two members of the Conyers family claiming to be the heir apparent. Which is unseemly, to say the very least.

The whole thing just makes us sad. Sad for all the women Conyers harassed. Sad that a guy who spent 50 years in Congress fighting for civil rights would ruin his legacy by being such a creep. Sad that Conyers couldn't live up to the expectations of people who loved and revered him. And sad that we're stuck with a serial harasser in the White House while Republicans make a big show of tut-tutting over a child molester they will embrace with open arms into the Senate next week.

FUCKING HELL.

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[ WaPo / Politico / WaPo / NYTimes ]