John Dowd, The Last Sane Person On Trump's Legal Team, Just Noped Out
RUH ROH! Trump's lead lawyer in the Mueller investigation, John Dowd, just quit-fired himself this morning! You won't have old Purple Comic Sans to kick around any more.
The White House broadcast the move in signature style by repeatedly denying that it was going to happen.
Sure we may have made fun of John Dowd once or twice. But we'll always cherish those memories.
Like the time he and Ty Cobb decided to discuss their whole legal strategy in a popular DC restaurant, oblivious of the New York Times reporter at the next table.
Or the time he emailed all his contacts to say that Robert E. Lee was basically George Washington, since they both owned slaves. Unimpeachable logic!
And just this past weekend Dowd tapped out an email in his favorite Purple Comic Sans font telling The Daily Beast that he was speaking for the president when he said he hoped that the illegitimate Mueller investigation was about to end already.
I pray that Acting Attorney General Rosenstein will follow the brilliant and courageous example of the FBI Office of Professional Responsibility and Attorney General Jeff Sessions and bring an end to alleged Russia Collusion investigation manufactured by McCabe’s boss James Comey based upon a fraudulent and corrupt Dossier.
Only to frantically scramble moments later to "clarify" that he was speaking for himself and NOT the president. As one does.
This morning Dowd embraced his inner fangirl in an email to the Post saying, "I love the President and wish him well."
Oh, John Dowd, you old nutter! We really are sorry to see you go. Because there's nutbags, and there's NUTBAGS. And without Dowd in the White House, you're about to see some crazy nutbag legal shit go down. The president's new head Russia lawyer Joe diGenova, better known on these pages as "The My Pillow Guy," is batshit fucking crazy. No reputable attorney would agree to represent the president, so he's putting all his chips down on that loon who goes on television in a bolo tie and arglebargles about the Deep State conspiracy to murder Trump's presidency.
This is bad enough when you're Trump's "lawyer" like Jay Sekulow, whose main job seems to be going on television and shouting "DEEP STATE" and "WHAT ABOUT HILLARY?" But now Trump is actually going to put an as seen on teevee lunatic in charge of his legal defense. DiGenova and his wife Victoria Toensing have spent the past 20 years flogging wingnut lawsuits against the Clintons. They're still right this very minute trying to get traction on that bullshit Uranium One story.
Whatever wheels there were on the Trump legal team, they done come all the way off this morning! What we're saying here is, TRUMP IS ABOUT TO FIRE ROBERT MUELLER! He's been throwing up trial balloons all week, and Congress hasn't done anything to stop it.
The last adult in the room is Ty Cobb, and he's not going to be able to restrain Trump once that howler monkey diGenova starts riling him up. We're not saying it's time to panic. But maybe ... prepare to be ready to panic?
And then make lots of friends at this weekend's March for Our Lives. Chances are, you'll be seeing them again soon!
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[NYT / WaPo / The Daily Beast]
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.