John Edwards Did Not Have Sex With That Hippie
John Edwards was stupid enough to deny reports from the National Enquirer that he had an affair with that nutty hippie. Reporters asked him about it yesterday and he said it was "completely untrue" and "ridiculous." So we're done with the part where "real" reporters refuse to mention the story at all until its sorta "reported" in a "disreputable" tabloid (or website!) and we can move on to the nonstop meta-media "what have we become" handwringing part where we all keep hearing about this "ridiculous" story over and over again until they give John Edwards his own Nobel prize!
The AP makes sure to point out, of course, that if John Edwards cheated on his wife it would make him the single worst human being in the history of the world:
Edwards said the story was simply "made up" and that he loves his wife, Elizabeth, who is being treated for an incurable form of cancer.
She's got cancer, people! What kind of monster would cheat on a woman with cancer!
John claimed to still find his wife "warm, loving, beautiful, sexy, and as good a person as I have ever known." His best defense against these allegations may be his repeated insistence that he and his wife have sex all the damn time. Remember the terrible broken rib story?
Of course, he'll need all the wink-wink quotations in men's magazines he can get to beat these unsubstantiated charges that are so far being denied by both individuals involved.