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Hey new Secretary of State person (and we are frankly kind of peeved that it is back to the gender-neutral "person" now, as chicks have been kind of owning it since Madeleine Albright, God bless her, flirted and giggled her way across the globe) John Kerry, would you like to open your mouth about something and BE AN IDIOT? You would? Very good.


Kerry said President Obama offered him the job of secretary of state a week before United Nations Ambassador Susan Rice withdrew her name from contention, an earlier timeline than has been previously reported.

“He called me, actually a week before Susan got out of the thing,” Kerry said. “He called me and said, ‘You’re my choice. I want you to do this.’ He asked me to keep it quiet. I did. I sat on it.”

We believe the idea was for you to continue to sit on it.

Any other dumb fucking thing you want to impress us with today, Mr. Secretary?

He also said he would start traveling this month but he would not attempt to surpass the 112 countries that Clinton visited.

“I’m not going to try,” Kerry said. “I respect that, honestly. But that’s not my goal. I mean I will do what we need to do. But I have a sense of what I want to try to focus on.”

Cool, just tellin' us right up front you're not real interested in working real hard-like. Got it. You're basically the guy who walks in to the interview and is like, "Work? Well I wouldn't say I've been missing it" and

"Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour. I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."

And you, dear reader, are still unemployed.

[BostonGlobe]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The Dumb Song Of J. Dinesh Prufrock

A quick Dear Shitferbrains for you smart kids today, in response to our recent piece on Dinesh D'Souza's continued insistence that historian Kevin M. Kruse please bitchslap him with facts again and again. It turns out we picked the wrong historian to lionize, according to "Hadding Scott," who dropped by to let us know we had foolishly referred to a mere Princeton professor instead of to the most comprehensive take-down-er of D'Souza's lies, "Hadding Scott" himself.

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Among the primary results from Tuesday that we didn't report: Chris Murphy, US Senator from Connecticut, managed to hold on to the Democratic nomination for a second term. Actually, if you want to get all technical about it, he didn't win the nom Tuesday -- he'd already been nominated at the state party convention in May, and the Dem primary was cancelled since Murphy was the only one to file. Murphy's also heavily favored to win reelection this fall. The biggest question for Murphy is whether he's hoping to seek some other office in a couple years. (As if any prominent Democratic senator hasn't already mentally compared their inaugural crowd size to Trump's.)

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