John Kerry's Pretend Past

who put the bomp...The Washington Post has uncovered what at first appears to be a disturbing cover-up: John Kerry used to claim to be able to play the bass. Even worse, he used to claim to be Norwegian. WP music critic David Segal dusted off the first -- and only -- album by the Electras, Kerry's contribution to what Segal calls "one of the most obscure micro-genres in pop history, vintage prep-school garage rock." Described in the album liner notes as "a resident of Oslo, Norway, and the producer of pulsating rhythm that lends tremendous force to all the numbers," Kerry, we now know, is neither from Norway nor the producer of the pulsating rhythms. Mainly, says a former bandmate, "John stood up there, a tall, good-looking guy with a bass, and that's what you needed."

Why this elaborate charade? Says the bandmate: "The whole idea was to meet more babes."

You may think you know what this bodes for a Kerry presidency: It's the last train to Clinton-ville, right? Wrong. Clinton actually played the saxophone. Kerry only pretended to play the bass. At worst, he will only pretend to have an affair with an intern and pretend to enact welfare reform. Uptight scolds may try to make an issue out of this, but at least Kerry had the gumption to have pretended to play a legitimate instrument. Joe Lieberman pretends to play the maracas. Talk about thinking small.

Yes, he apparently actually plays guitar now. . . or does he? Let's hope it's no more real than that "tax relief for middle class families" he keeps harping on.

To review: Playing the saxophone? Bad. Pretending to play the bass? Good. Pretending to be from Norway? . . . Disturbing.

John Kerry's Record: One You Can Dance To [WP]


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