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John Kerry's Pretend Past

who put the bomp...The Washington Post has uncovered what at first appears to be a disturbing cover-up: John Kerry used to claim to be able to play the bass. Even worse, he used to claim to be Norwegian. WP music critic David Segal dusted off the first -- and only -- album by the Electras, Kerry's contribution to what Segal calls "one of the most obscure micro-genres in pop history, vintage prep-school garage rock." Described in the album liner notes as "a resident of Oslo, Norway, and the producer of pulsating rhythm that lends tremendous force to all the numbers," Kerry, we now know, is neither from Norway nor the producer of the pulsating rhythms. Mainly, says a former bandmate, "John stood up there, a tall, good-looking guy with a bass, and that's what you needed."


Why this elaborate charade? Says the bandmate: "The whole idea was to meet more babes."

You may think you know what this bodes for a Kerry presidency: It's the last train to Clinton-ville, right? Wrong. Clinton actually played the saxophone. Kerry only pretended to play the bass. At worst, he will only pretend to have an affair with an intern and pretend to enact welfare reform. Uptight scolds may try to make an issue out of this, but at least Kerry had the gumption to have pretended to play a legitimate instrument. Joe Lieberman pretends to play the maracas. Talk about thinking small.

Yes, he apparently actually plays guitar now. . . or does he? Let's hope it's no more real than that "tax relief for middle class families" he keeps harping on.

To review: Playing the saxophone? Bad. Pretending to play the bass? Good. Pretending to be from Norway? . . . Disturbing.

John Kerry's Record: One You Can Dance To [WP]

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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