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John McCain Is Our New Bob Dole '96!

Oh, walnuts ...Here he is finally, after 172 years of campaigning. His still kind-of-hot latest wife Cindy is there, her jaws tight because of the speed, and his children, his many children. His tie is going CRAZY on the teevee. It is a torture-dope-mushroom necktie! What is happening? MSNBC just zoomed in so we don't have to see the Maverick Tie, which is coming alive.


9:51 PM -- "I don't believe anyone is predestined to lead America." Really? You don't think certain babies are born to be the President?

9:52 PM -- Here comes the "greater than myself" and "last best hope" bullshit tropes.

9:52 PM -- "False promises, empty sound bites," etc., Barack is a person who is young and says things!

9:53 PM -- Ha ha, McCain said "modernity."

9:54 PM -- He will stand up for the Iraq Occupation, because everybody loves it.

9:56 PM -- Oh man, McCain just looked totally surprised and confused when his supporters laughed at one of his lines, which was written to be kind of funny.

9:57 PM -- McCain will give us all health care! And somehow we will get the world's best health care, maybe from some other country?

9:57 PM -- He will have an energy policy which will be based on using the fossil fuels created by his own ancient bones.

9:58 PM -- My friends, he is coughing. He might just die right there.

9:58 PM -- HE WILL SPEAK TO EVEN THE BLACKS AND BROWNS AND POORS.

10:00 PM -- "We don't hide from history, we make history." Maybe "we are history" would work a bit better right there.

10:01 PM -- Oh dear fucking christ he is totally trying to take "hope." U CAN'T HAS HOPE, IZ TOO OLDE.

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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