John McCain Sucks at Fantasy Football, and Osama bin in Love
JOHN McCAIN cut himself ("down the highway" not "across the street") afterNAVYlost to Ohio State, at American collegiate football. Hardly a surprise, considering those dapper Navy midshipmen can't even beat a bunch of dirty beatnik bookworms at croquet. Can you even begin to imagine how disastrous it would be ifMITchallenged Navy to a game ofMARIO KART? ...
American military baseCOLOMBIAwants American swampWASHINGTON D.C.to feel the love. That's whyFARC HILL INTERNShave scattered giant hearts made of Legos all over our glorious capital. Apparently Colombia is unaware that 99.999% of twenty dollar bills in circulation in the DC area are practically deep-fried in cocaine. We already love you Colombia! ...
Reigning hide-and-seek Champion of the WorldOSAMA BIN LADENspends thousands of dollars every year purchasingWHITNEY HOUSTONlibidinous infidel memorabilia on eBay. Seriously, Osama bin Laden is attracted to Whitney Houston, sexually. He even plotted to crash a plane into Whitney's ex-husbandBOBBY BROWN! And he desperately wanted to see her perform during the 2004SOUL DIVAS TOUR, but the closest concert from his cavernous lair inTORA BORAwas in Auckland, New Zealand. Keep lusting, Osama.
Riley Waggaman's WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com


