WALNUTS


John McCain is pissed, everyone! Ever since he was diagnosed with late stage brain cancer, our beloved Walnuts has been speaking out a bit more loudly than he usually does, perhaps in a last ditch effort to save America from going down in flames at the hands of the GOP and Donald Trump. Oh, and there's also that thing he keeps doing, where he brings Obamacare repeal back to life just so he can stomp on its face. That's fun and mavericky!

Accepting the Liberty Medal in Philadelphia Monday night, for 60 years of serving America, McCain used his thank you speech to throw very angry butterscotches at the faces of Donald Trump, Steve Bannon, and the white supremacist neo-Nazis who love them so very much. Here, have a video and a transcript! (And we don't have to transcribe it ourselves, because apparently John McCain has an account on Medium? That's nice! Does he have a LiveJournal too?)

To fear the world we have organized and led for three-quarters of a century, to abandon the ideals we have advanced around the globe, to refuse the obligations of international leadership and our duty to remain “the last best hope of earth” for the sake of some half-baked, spurious nationalism cooked up by people who would rather find scapegoats than solve problems is as unpatriotic as an attachment to any other tired dogma of the past that Americans consigned to the ash heap of history.

YOU HEAR THAT, STEVE BANNON, YOU UNPATRIOTIC CUM-SOCK FULL OF GIN AND IMPOTENCE?

Anything else, Jammakain?

We live in a land made of ideals, not blood and soil.

FUCK YOU, CHARLOTTESVILLE NAZIS! (And also the other Nazis who couldn't get their shifts at the Big Lots covered that day, and thus were not able to make it to Charlottesville.)

We are very glad to hear McCain say these things!

Considering how much Donald Trump (the president) has shit on McCain's military service (yes, the president does this), and considering how Steve Bannon and his band of underfucked Nazis are trying to destroy America so they can remake it into the White Man Failed State it's always had the potential to become, we need Republicans like McCain and Bob Corker standing on their lawns and shaking their sticks about stuff like this. We'd really like to see some Republicans who aren't retiring or fighting terminal brain cancer stand up and speak out, though.

But anyway, three cheers for John McCain!

Except ...

(Don't say it, Wonkette. Just let the man be correct, because for God's sake, he's dying, and also America is in a REALLY BAD MOMENT RIGHT NOW and needs to hear shit like this, untainted by dickish reminders about McCain's past sins from liberal bloggers!)

Except isn't John McCain the person who gifted American politics with this little ray of sunshine, which set us down the course that led directly to where we are right now?

(Goddammit, Wonkette, we told you not to say it!)

Sorry, we had to say it.

Good speech, John McCain! Now apologize for Sarah Palin and we'll be good.

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[McCain remarks via Medium]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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