Joni Ernst, Ted Cruz, Wyoming Guy You Don't Care About Have Three-Way Impeachment Worst-Off

Following yesterday's lie-a-thon by Donald Trump's defense lawyers, several Republican members of the very impartial jury stepped before the cameras to explain that Donald Trump did nothing wrong in trying to get Ukraine to make up lies about Joe Biden to help Trump's reelection campaign. Then they explained the fake smears against Joe Biden are very good news for Donald Trump's reelection campaign.

Here's Sen. John Barrasso (R-Wyoming), the poster boy for why the Senate is a terrible institution, probably lying that all four of the Senate Democrats still running for president were SHOCK AND AWED by the recitation of alleged Biden "corruption" that has been repeatedly debunked. He was followed by Sen Joni Ernst, who grinned a bit too gleefully to come off as "very concerned."

Barrasso exclaimed that he saw all the Dems look on hungrily, because clearly they believed every word of bullshit being put forth by Trump lawyer Pam Bondi:

Everyone was paying close attention to the discussion about the Bidens — but the four people whose eyes were fully wide-open were Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Michael Bennet and Amy Klobuchar, all leaning forward. I've never seen them so attentive as when this discussion was on Joe Biden.

We completely believe that! It is as realistic as the people in Chick Comics tracts who have somehow grown up in US America without ever hearing of Jesus Christ.

An Iowa political columnist reminded readers that the single camera in the Senate chamber showed none of this supposed eye-widening, and that Barrasso was almost certainly full of shit, because

All the allegations made by Trump's attorneys on Monday had already been made by Republican politicians and other Fox News guests over the last several months, and would already be familiar to all four Democrats.

Shouldn't be long before Trump insists one of the four came to him with tears in their eyes and said, "Sir, I had no idea how evil Joe Biden is!"

Then it was Ernst's turn to insist that Donald Trump's impeachment is bad news for Joe Biden. Grinning like she'd just won a year's supply of Wonder Bread bags for her kids' feet, Ernst chirped,

Iowa caucuses, folks, Iowa caucuses are this next Monday evening, and I'm really interested to see how this discussion today informs and influences the Iowa Caucus voters. Those Democratic caucus-goers. Will they be supporting pres-- Vice President Biden at this point? Not certain about that!

Got it? Donald Trump would never, EVER use his office to seek foreign help in hurting a political rival. He doesn't need to, because he has a majority of Republicans on his jury who are happy to do it for him while the trial is in progress.

A lot of people, I hear, were reminded of that time in 2015 when then House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy similarly said the quiet part out loud about the real significance of the neverending Benghazi hearings:

Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right? But we put together a Benghazi special committee, a select committee. What are her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping.

Confederate general cosplayer Ted Beauregard Bedford Stonewall Cruz also wanted his moment of very well-rehearsed spontaneous reaction to the defense presentation, explaining his position on whether John Bolton should testify. Asked if there was "any logical reason" Bolton shouldn't be called, Cruz explained with the devastating logic that made him a feared debater: "Hunter Biden corruption, Hunter Biden Burisma, Hunter Biden -- don't interrupt me, I'll answer your question! -- Hunter Biden! I mean Joe Biden!"

Because as we all know, leading an international effort to get rid of a corrupt Ukrainian prosecutor (who had stopped actually investigating Burisma) is far worser than anything Donald Trump did. Wait, what about Bolton? "HUNTER BIDEN!" Also, Bolton doesn't matter.

Also, Cruz yelled at a reporter who asked how Hunter Biden's trading on his dad's name was any different from any other talentless offspring of the rich and powerful -- like say the Trumpenkinder's entire business model. The reporter could have been clearer, but Cruz pretended it was a cruel attack on his own precious innocent little children, you cur.

Reporter: But senator [...] None of the president's attorneys mentioned one single possible crime that Hunter or Joe Biden are accused of. Basically, what they said is Hunter Biden got a job, his dad was vice president. If that's a crime, I mean, shouldn't half of your children be in prison?

Cruz: My children are 9 and 11. I'm sorry you want to throw a 9-year-old in prison, but at this point, my third-grader plays basketball at her school. So, stop playing that nasty Washington game.

Reporter: It's not a nasty Washington game --

Cruz: Attacking a nine-year-old?

And yes, the Washington Examinerdutifully framed it as the reporter having compared Hunter Biden to Cruz's daughter, with no suggestion that he'd been unclear or that "you" can be a plural.

So there you have it: The corrupt Washington media is smearing Ted Cruz's innocent children, and how depraved can you get? Why isn't the media being impeached?


[WaPo / Little Village / Washington Examiner]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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