Josh Duggar's Penis Banned From TLC, Maybe From His Wife Too
Anna, divorce can be really great. You should try it.
There comes a time several times a day when we get an email that says "gross thing about Duggar family, please read." So here's a new development, and it's about the gross "Josh Duggar" character, who is currently serving time in the Cum Thou Fount Of Every Blessing halfway house for gross fundamentalist Christian sex weasels. Know how his sisters Jessa and Jill get their own teevee specials on TLC, in the fall? Well, Josh is NOT ALLOWED to be on those shows, probably because TLC is concerned his shame boner will slip out in front of the camera, and ain't nobody want to see that:
TLC will feature two to three shows about pregnant Jessa, married to Ben Seewald, and Jill, wedded to Derick Dillard. However, a production insider revealed that TLC has banned Josh from the specials, as well as future programs.
Come ON, TLC. We already made up ideas for specials featuring Josh and everything! Remember how we suggested a Josh Duggar penis cam, to be put on Josh's penis, to see what adventures it goes on? People would watch, probably, because people are icky.
It might not be the GREATEST thing to do the Jill and Derick Show, actually, since we've learned they're probably not even doing soul-winning in Central America since they don't have the training to extract souls correctly. (It's all in the wrist, kids! Don't say that around your molesty brother.) Are they doing drugs? MAYBE. You don't know. Maybe the real reason Jill and Derick are in Central America is because they make meth, like they learned in Arkansas. On second thought, that might be a good show!
And Jessa's lame. All she does is yammer her face off about how atheists don't exist, oh and also recently she pulled a real asshole move, when the people in front of her in the drive-thru bought her coffee, and instead of doing that whole "pay it forward" nice thing, she Instagrammed about how this is just like how Jesus gives salvation for free and took her coffee home without paying for it, like a common welfare queen. Shut the fuck up SO MUCH, Jessa.
And hey, remember, we made ANOTHER suggestion for a Duggar-themed show, called Anna Finds Out, where Josh's wife discovers which vaginas her husband's penis has been using as an AirBnB, by reading InTouch Weekly, just like the rest of us?
But oh, what's this? Anna Duggar might be considering the Big D? (No! The Big D is not what she calls the Duggar penis! Unless it is. It probably is.) No, for real, SOURCES SAY she might actually divorce that motherfucker. DO IT, ANNA. We do not care how wingnutty and conservative Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are about divorce because fuck them, they covered up the trails left by Josh's fingers for the sake of money and fame, or so it would seem. And we also do not care that Anna's parents, Mike and Suzette Keller, are reportedly big dumb wingnuts too, who have told her that the Big D is not an option. It IS an option, and it's a good option, because no matter what the Jesus rehab says, that man will NOT be cured of his perpetual sexytime grossness.
So Anna, you have two appointments this week: 1) GO TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD AND GET YOUR BITS CHECKED. You'll love it there! They will check you for sexually transmitted grundle itches and crotch ninjas, and if your husband gave you something, they'll fix it! 2) Go see a lawyer. Make like TLC and ban that motherfucker from your life. YOU'RE WORTH IT, ANNA DUGGAR.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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