Non-Doktor Of Non-Rhetoric Josh Hawley Explains 'Marxists' And 'Capitalists' Are Same Jews We Mean People
Sen. Josh Hawley, the simple country lawyer who clerked for simple country Chief Justice John Roberts after graduating from simple country Yale Law School, has staked out a position as a regular man of the people who can't stand elitists. It's a pretty good grift, because nobody likes snooty elitists being all contemptuous of the ordinary folks like the powerful moneyed interests who fund his campaigns. The important thing is that, as a populist, Hawley hates the same people his supporters hate: the elitists and globalists, not to mention the "cosmopolitan elites" who are wrecking America, not that he means The Jews, how dare you suggest such a thing. The main thing to know is that elites are all bad, and they are all the same, even if that leads to completely logic-free contradictions.
F'rinstance, back in August Hawley warned Tucker Carlson that "The Marxist Left, let's just call it what it is ... is essentially in control of the Democratic Party," and that Joe Biden is "in thrall to" those Marxist leftist elites. He vowed he would never stand for America being taken over by those Marxist Democrats. Then, yesterday, Hawley complained that Biden's choice of Janet Yellen, the former chair of the Federal Reserve, was very worrisome, because "the people who he wants to be in his Cabinet are all a bunch of corporate liberals and warmongers."
The Bulwark's Tim Miller pointed out on the Twitters that both of those things are not like the other:
Pre-Election: Biden will appoint Marxists and must be stopped. Post-Election: Biden is appointing corporate liber… https://t.co/axBfHsopl1— Tim Miller (@Tim Miller)1606768012.0
Now, as Jonathan Chait observed, Hawley could have simply ignored the terrible mean reporter guy calling out the contradiction, because "it's not like his target audience is going to complain that he attacked the Democrats in two mutually exclusive ways." But that would mean letting a Media Elitist get away with being right, which cannot be abided, so Hawley took the only reasonable stance for a man who's like to be the next Trump: He insisted there was no contradiction at all between the two criticisms, but that the snooty elites are too stupid to realize just how brilliant Hawley is.
Let me explain this to you. Corporate liberals are woke capitalists. The corporatists love critical race theory and… https://t.co/Cr2uNsTbwp— Josh Hawley (@Josh Hawley)1606773734.0
So yes, corporate America IS full of Marxists, who are "woke capitalists" dead set on destroying capitalism and America. This doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense, since corporations and capitalists want to make a lot of money, and Marxists want to dismantle the corporate state. But making sense isn't necessarily all that important if you can, like Hawley, insist that some part of the corporate world has been infected by a "Marxist" idea like "critical race theory," which magically taints everything with a rightwing buzzword. OMG, the Marxism is coming from inside the corporation!
Also, isn't all this "corporatist" AND "Marxist" and "selling out working Americans" just a little on the nose?
so Josh Hawley is explaining how a malevolent elite secretly control *both* communism and capitalism. well.— James Palmer (@James Palmer)1606775916.0
Chait points out the stupidity of just mooshing capitalism and Marxism together, and pretending it's such an obvious synthesis that only a fool could miss it:
Only the elites can't spot the obvious. Just ask any regular hardworking Missouri farmer, and he'll explain that neoliberal corporate warlords are working hand in glove with Marxists to use critical race theory in order to advance Janet Yellen's candidacy for Treasury secretary.
That absurdity goes even farther; Hawley wants to argue that "critical race theory" is a Marxist infiltration of American free enterprise, a Stab In The Back!! that threatens ordinary working Americans, who are white and know there's no such thing as "implicit bias" or "white privilege." But corporations that do anti-bias training aren't leftist, or motivated by a Marxist desire to tear down the machine. Sure, a few corporate types may have lofty Ben And Jerry make-a-better-world (and profits) motives. But for the most part, pursuing at least a veneer of diversity and making sure employees aren't recruiting for Atomwaffen in the break room has far more to do with protecting shareholder value. Discrimination lawsuits are expensive, and bad, potentially disastrous publicity at that. Critical race theory? More like Risk Management 101.
And don't even get us started on how the very worst excesses of corporate greed (see the 2008 financial collapse) probably endanger capitalism more than any "Marxists" that might be skulking around corporate boardrooms.
We have now given this far more thought than Josh Hawley, which officially makes us elitists who are out of touch with ordinary Americans, many of whom are happy to believe the corporate world is simultaneously a bastion of Free Enterprise and a Marxist assault on everyday folks.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.