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Don't you dare hate him because he's beautiful.

Bill Barr is a dangerous man. We've been saying that for a while now, but it's really glaring right now. Also glaring is the vile, disgusting mole on his lower lip and the other moles and warts he should really get a dermatologist to blowtorch off his face if he ever wants to appear on TV again.

After shitting on the IG report Republicans had been hanging their thoughts and prayers on, in a desperate pipe dream that it would exonerate Donald Trump and prove that he was right about the Deep State Witch Hunt ALL ALONG, Barr went on NBC News today to shit on it some more, while also shitting on the FBI and damning FBI Director Chris Wray with faint praise.

So what all did Bill Barr say to NBC News's Pete Williams, who did a downright garbage job of pushing back against the obvious lies Barr told him to his face?

Let us count the ways!


Bill Barr insinuated that the FBI acted in "bad faith" when it opened the investigation into the Trump campaign's ties to Russia, even though the IG report found that there was no bias against Trump.

Bill Barr lied and said the investigation was very "intrusive," despite how the IG report found that it was the exact opposite of that.

Bill Barr baselessly asserted that the FBI's case for opening the investigation in the first place -- Australia's report to the FBI of George Papadopoulos drunking all over one of its diplomats about Russia having Hillary's emails -- was "flimsy," despite literally everything else that was going on, including the ongoing cyber-attack on the election by Russia. He said it was "flimsy" because EVERYBODY (not everybody) thought Russia hacked Hillary Clinton, and therefore possessed her mythological 33,000 missing emails (you know, the ones Trump looked at the camera and begged Russia if it was listening to find), therefore how are you going to start a whole federal case over a probable Russian operative telling a Trump campaign operative about Russia's plan to fuck Trump's opponent? THAT'S JUST CRAZY.

Bill Barr suggested that the real "greatest danger to our free system" is that BARACK OBAMA did spying against the Trump campaign -- "Oh it was clearly spied upon," said Barr -- even though the IG report specifically found that BARACK OBAMA did not actually do spying against the Trump campaign. (Carter Page didn't get FISA-ed until he had left the campaign.)


BARR: Well, I think -- I think probably, from a civil liberties standpoint, the greatest danger to our free system is that the incumbent government use the apparatus of the state, principally the law enforcement agencies and the intelligence agencies, both to spy on political opponents, but also to use them in a way that could affect the outcome of the election.

As far as I'm aware, this is the first time in history that this has been done to a presidential campaign, the use of these counterintelligence techniques against a presidential campaign.

Yeah, we all remember how Barack Obama was so screamy about the FBI investigating the Trump campaign for literally being an organ of the Russian state that his FBI director announced it 11 days before the election, OH WAIT THAT WAS HILLARY'S EMAILS ON ANTHONY WEINER'S PORN LAPTOP.

(By the way, Bill Barr thought James Comey did the right thing in that instance.)

(Which begs the question of why he's so worried about Obama "us[ing] the apparatus of the state, principally the law enforcement agencies and the intelligence agencies [...] in a way that could affect the outcome of the election," or why he was OK with James Comey doing that to Hillary Clinton, but he's FINEFUCKINGFINE with it when Trump tries to use Ukraine to do it to Joe Biden.)

(HMMMMMMMMMM IT IS A FUCKING MYSTERY.)

Besides, Barr said, EVERYBODY is doing foreign interference these days, it is so hot right now, foreign interference!

BARR: And we have to remember, in today's world, presidential campaigns are frequently in contact with foreign persons. And, indeed, in most campaigns, there are signs of illegal foreign money coming in. And we don't automatically assume that the campaigns are nefarious and traitors and acting in league with foreign powers.

Go fuck yourself with the giant mole on your lower lip, dude.

Bill Barr said this thing about the hacking of the DC and the dumping on the Wikipedia:

BARR: So the FBI -- what the FBI did is, later, after the D.C. -- the DNC hack and the dumping through Wiki -- Wikipedia in July --

Bill Barr is just GRRR SO MAD that Obama's Deep State yelled at Russia in real time over its intrusions into the election, but they didn't even tell Trump. (The IG report states that the FBI held back so-called "defensive briefings" to the Trump campaign because they were worried that if there were Russian agents embedded within the campaign -- and it's still not entirely Paul clear that there Manafort weren't -- it would serve to tip them off that the FBI was on their trail.)

Bill Barr lied and claimed that the FBI's case "collapsed" after Trump was elected, and suggested the FBI literally hid all kinds of exculpatory evidence, didn't you know all the evidence that came out after the election was exculpatory? We guess right there he's including Donald Trump Jr.'s "If it's what you say I love it, especially later in the summer" emails, which were revealed to the public in July of 2017. Oh yeah, and that whole thing where Trump fired James Comey to obstruct justice in the Russia investigation that spring, and then the next day, while leaking code-word level intelligence to the Russians in the Oval Office, said THANK GOLLY BABY JESUS I fired the crazy FBI director, now I am free to Russia it up a whole lot more, comrade! But, you know, besides all that.

Bill Barr lied (yet again) and said Robert Mueller found no collusion, which we know is a lie because we read the fucking (redacted version of the) Mueller Report, which Barr finally released after lying about its contents for weeks in order to do coverups for Trump.

Bill Barr pissed all over the IG report some more, saying we have to wait until "the full investigation" -- i.e. the fake trumped up bullshit investigation he appointed US Attorney John Durham to lead -- is over. This, despite how by law the inspector general is the watchdog. Not John Durham, and definitely not John Durham getting puppet-fisted by Bill Barr so deep that Barr now controls his vocal cords. You know, metaphorically and allegedly.

Bill Barr said the IG can't even determine if the FBI was biassssss against Trump, because all he did was ask people to answer his questions, and if he didn't end up with conflicting testimony, he accepted their answers as true. (Like a common FBI-er!) Pretty hard to make up conspiracy theories for Donald Trump if all you're doing is asking questions!

Finally, Bill Barr said it was totally fine for US Attorney John Durham to release that bullshit whiny statement yesterday where he did his own shitting on the IG Report, even though that was probably against DOJ policy, because here's why:

BARR: I think it was important for people to understand that the -- that, you know, Durham's work was not being preempted. And that Durham was doing something different. And he explains what he's doing different and that there are areas of disagreement. I think it was perfect appropriate so the public understood the relationship between the two exercises.

Right, exactly.

John Durham is being involved in a domestic political errand for Donald Trump and Bill Barr. And Michael Horowitz was doing a real investigation.

And those two things have diverged.

We get the difference, dude. Trust us, we get it.

OPEN THREAD, now that you are enraged.

[transcript via Real Clear Politics]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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