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"Hey Donald, there's WIRE TAPPS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!"


Is the Justice Department being for real right now? Or are they just desperately hoping that if they search REAL GOOD, like in the back of the fridge and inside the couch cushions, that they will magically find "evidence" that "Obama" did "Wire Tapps" to Trump? Are they humoring the metastasized orange fartsack what lives in the White House? Because they have said that, even though Monday was the "deadline" for them to find "evidence" of "Obama's wire tapps," that they need "more time" now, because we don't even know why:

The Department of Justice asked the chairman and vice chairman of the House Intelligence Committee for "additional time" to collect evidence to support President Donald Trump's accusation that the Obama administration wiretapped his phones at Trump Tower during the campaign.

The committee had set a Monday deadline for the agency to provide the evidence, a source familiar with the matter has told CNN -- a deadline that did not appear to apply to the Senate Intelligence Committee's investigation.

Senate panel Chairman Richard Burr told CNN, "I've talked to all the appropriate people," adding later that he has received "sufficient" responses about the wiretapping claim.

Haha, Richard Burr, a Trump supporter who MIGHT be slightly more serious than the Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee, owing to how he is a big boy senator person, is pretty sure he knows what he needs to know. (SPOILER: The thing Burr probably knows is that Trump was making it up.) But the House hasn't heard enough! Surely Dear Leader wasn't lying or anything, because he's never lied before, not ever.

But we do understand how the scope of the investigation might have grown in the past few days. Instead of just searching Trump Tower for bugs in the phones, they might have to check all the microwaves and see if any of Kellyanne Conway's Bagel Bites recorded sensitive conversations. Moreover, as Sean Spicer has explained, Trump didn't LITERALLY mean a "wire tapp," because he tweeted that in quotes. This means Trump could have been talking about all different kinds of surveillance, and definitely does not mean Trump has "no idea" how to properly use "quotation marks."

And of course, maybe there is a FISA warrant, obtained legally, involved with that server registered to the Trump Organization that pretty much only communicates with Alfa Bank in Russia. That could be a thing! The FBI is still definitely investigating that! But we have a feeling that's not what the Trump supporters on the various intelligence communities really want to see right now.

As CNN points out, vaguely sane Republicans like John McCain and Lindsey Graham have been telling Trump to put up or shut up on this whole "wire tapp" thing pretty much since the day he said it, because they'd actually like to investigate the large Russian bear in the room, which is the Trump campaign's probable collusion with Russia, instead of wasting time chasing after some bullshit tweeted by Trump's dumb face. Graham and his Democratic pal on the Senate Judiciary Committee, Sheldon Whitehouse of Rhode Island, also sent a letter to Justice, saying pics or the "wire tapp" didn't happen:

"I'm getting very ill-tempered over this," the South Carolina senator told reporters. "I expect them to take some time, but Judiciary has control over the FBI--oversight. So I have said, OK, let's keep the committee process in place, regular order, so if the FBI runs over to the Intel committee and they testify there, and they don't respond to my letter, I think that's a mistake, because the FBI is under our jurisdiction." [...]

"You'll run afoul of the Judiciary Committee. If I were you, I wouldn't do that," he said. "Director Comey, trying to give you a little advice here."

Pissy Lindsey Graham is our favorite Lindsey Graham.

But we guess the Justice Department is just crossing its T's and dotting its I's and making 100% for certain that there isn't a tiny chance Trump knew what he was talking about. (LOLOL AS IF. What a "stop the presses!" moment that would be. "Donald Trump Knows Thing"!)

Fortune magazine points out, a bit snarkily, that the Justice Department actually isn't required to submit to some dumb "deadline" imposed by the House Intelligence Committee. But Rep. Devin Nunes, the idiot Trumper who heads the committee, thinks they do, and says he might subpoena the Justice Department and the White House if he doesn't get the made-up answers he's craving. They're having a hearing very soon, after all, and Nunes would probably really like to find Trump's completely made-up #SmokingGun on "wire tapps," so they don't have to do anything unsavory like investigate why Trump lives inside Vlad Putin's butthole.

God, all these people are just the worst kind of idiots. Aren't you glad they're running America right now? Don't they just make you SLEEP SO WELL AT NIGHT?

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[CNN]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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