Justin Bieber Excretes His Manly Essence On Bill Clinton's Face


Above you see TMZ's adorable footage of 9-year-old lesbian Justin Bieber urinating into a mop bucket, speaking in perfect Caucbonics, and jizzing his spray bottle on the face of Bill Clinton.

Why does Justin Bieber hate Bill Clinton? Let us ponder every possible option!

Does Justin Bieber hate Bill Clinton because Clinton and his wife, Monica Lewinsky, fucked up Murrica's chance to have universal healthcare, an issue dear to Bieber's heart?

Is it because Bill Clinton signed the Welfare bill -- the effects of which were so harrowingly explicated in Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine?

What about the Antiterrorism Act, which (we assume -- kindly do not make us look shit up) led to all this current NSA nonsense? That was some fucked-up shit, right? It was so fucked up, that many of us voted for kindly old wizard Ralph Nader, in '96 and 2000, secure in the knowledge that shit would have to get worse before it got better.

(We have explained the consequences of this to the Occupy children, but, just like our mother explaining the consequences of her Eldridge Cleaver vote did not make us yank Al Gore's lever, so neither did our haranguing the Crunchy Ones change their feelings about Glenn Greenwald and Bamz.)

So is it because the Anti-Terrorism Act led to Edward Snowden sadly living his exile in a Moscow igloo that Justin Bieber hates Bill Clinton?

Nah dude. Justin Bieber hates Bill Clinton because he's nine years old and it is his job to jizz on the face of anyone, living or in a picture frame, with whom he comes in contact.

Nothing personal yo, probably.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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