Can We Just Hurry Up And Make Kamala Harris President Already?
Kamala Harris hasn't been a senator for even two years, and I'm already all in for her evicting that grotesque ass clown from the White House in 2020. My sister has been on fire lately. No grandstanding, no tweet storms, she's just doing the good work. She's gone after cash bail in the US, wants to give renters the same tax breaks homeowners enjoy, and last week she introduced legislation to address racial disparities in rates of maternal deaths across the US.
"Health equity for Black women can only happen if we recognize and address persistent biases in our health system," said Harris in a statement on [Maternal Care Access and Reducing Emergencies (CARE) Act]. "This bill is a step towards ensuring that all women have access to culturally competent, holistic care, and to address the implicit biases in our system."
Harris unashamedly looks out for black folks, especially women. This is frankly novel in the Senate. This is more than just recommending Aretha Franklin for a Congressional Gold Medal -- although, that's valid and important. Harris has sponsored 42 bills for the 115th Congress, advocating for clean air, census equality, and rent relief among others. (To compare, Elizabeth Warren has sponsored 70 and Bernie Sanders 26 in the same period.) I sometimes forget that Barack Obama was even a senator at all. It's like it was a backdoor pilot to his presidential spin-off series. Regardless of whatever higher political aspirations Harris might have and she totally has them, she's making her current time in the Senate count.
Oh, and let's not forget how Harris made racist Confederate cosplayer Jeff Sessions piss his pants on live TV.
Girlfriend hadn't even gotten all her law books moved over to her new Senate office, and she was spanking Sessions like his Klan-robe-knitting momma. It's like the power of Mrs. Coretta Scott King compels her to exorcise this fool, who, by the way, I have no sympathy for and personally delight in his public humiliation and inevitable ruin at the hands of Donald Trump.
Harris was San Francisco's first female district attorney and the first woman elected as California's attorney general. Some dude bros out there want to take issue with this and dismiss her as just a "cop." But black people aren't all "fuck tha police." We like when our people are on the inside and, as Loretta Lynch famously said, "have our back." You can go march with Susan Sarandon if you want, but we prefer to effect change by replacing every Jeff Sessions with a Marilyn Mosby. Besides, who better than a prosecutor to go after a thug like Trump? She'll aim her "evacuate your bowels" vision at Putin's patsy during the debates, and it'll be game over.
What I admire most about Harris, though, is how she doesn't mince words. It's not all focus-group tested feel-good buzzwords. She just flat-out reads the folks on the right and left who dismiss the very real issues and concerns of minority groups as "identity politics." Few politicians dare do this. Instead, they center white men and absurdly claim that free college and single payer will convince Rudy the Redneck to ditch Trump and stop believing the whole Russia investigation is a "fake news witch hunt."
The phrase "identity politics" has been used to minimize and marginalize issues that impact us all. No more. We won… https://t.co/DnDmejl0T2— Kamala Harris (@Kamala Harris)1533342503.0
This urge to center white men is why folks are seriously suggesting Michael Avenatti as a presidential candidate. Or pushing two-time loser Joe Biden as a 2020 frontrunner. The calls for a Biden/Harris ticket is like Beyoncé opening for John Mellencamp. Don't get me wrong: I'm down with both Biden and "Cherry Bomb," but this ain't 1988.
White dudes screwed up big time in 2016, voting in overwhelming numbers for a mafia kingpin whose name is literally Don Trump. And before you come at me with Warren, who is my third favorite white woman in Massachusetts, her demo also got confused on November 8, 2016. There's room on the ticket but maybe not at the top. My preference also wouldn't be Warren as Harris's VP but senator from New York Kirsten Gillibrand. I have a lot of respect for her. I'm in San Francisco this week and found a copy of Gillibrand's memoir "Off the Sidelines" laying on a bench in North Beach's Washington Square Park, so clearly Gillibrand is speaking to folks from across the country and from all sorts of unique backgrounds.
No, I did not take it with me because... ewww.SER's iPhone
Yeah, I know some folks still hold a grudge against Gillibrand because she Jedi mind-tricked the innocent Al Franken into groping random women... no wait, she actually didn't do that. She just held him accountable for his actions, despite his being a member of her own party. Franken's career was already toast anyway, so if you're blaming Gillibrand for his fall, you might as well go invest in some Al Franken/Louis C.K. 2020 bumper stickers.
You might think I'm crazy and that Harris/Gillibrand is the losingest ticket in recent memory. But black women said "naaah" to Trump at 94% and Harris will turn them out in droves. I can think of nothing better than an all-woman ticket ending our current "long, national nightmare." I long for inauguration day 2021 when President Kamala Harris, like Shakespeare's Macduff, holds up the severed Tribble combover of Donald Trump.
Follow SER on Twitter.
Wonkette is ad-free and relies entirely on the kindness of strangers. Please hit the tip jar below, or click this link to make it monthly!
- White House Mansplains 'Border' And 'Crime' To Kamala Harris ... ›
- Kamala Harris Is A Goddamned DELIGHT. She Can Be U.S. ... ›
- Sure Guys, It Is Awesome That We Are Shitting On Kamala Harris ... ›
- Keep Fucking With Kamala Harris, Boys. You're Making Her Stronger. ›
Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).