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KAMALA HARRIS! All right, kids, let's do this!

Old Handsome Joe Biden has chosen Kamala Harris to be the next vice president of the United States. Which ... Ann Coulter, you were SO CLOSE.

Wow, Republicans are getting better at comedy, and the left is worried.

Anyway, Wonkette would like to be the first to say congratulations to the first woman vice president of the United States, who will also be the first Black vice president, first Black woman vice president, first Indian-American vice president, first Asian-American vice president, and just a whole lot of other firsts.


She will also be the first vice president in history who can do this:

You know, unless Mike Pence does that all the time in his bathroom when Mother isn't around. He doesn't look that cool doing it, obviously.

Biden made the announcement on Twitter and on text messages that come in one at a time every 45 minutes (if you know what we mean, you know):

Biden made us wait all day for the announcement, after Democrats tried to pull some kinda silly goose misdirection this morning when they announced the speakers for the Democratic convention next week. (Slogan: Be there! On your couch! To watch it!) Senator Harris was listed as a Thursday speaker, whereas "VP" was listed for a Wednesday slot. Did this mean Biden had not picked Harris, and had maybe gone with Susan Rice instead? Or were they doing a MALARKEY?

We don't have much to say here, except that kAmaLA iS a cOop and also that we cannot wait to watch Harris kick ass as the vice president of all of America, just like she did to Jeff Sessions's face and Bill Barr's face. We have to get her and Joe Biden there first, though, so if you need to make a donation to the Biden/HARRIS campaign, please click here. When you go to that page, you will be greeted with this picture of the next president and vice president of the United States.

Also if you need some clothes-wearing supplies to put on your midsections, we have t-shirts for both Biden and also Harris. Also panties and coffee cups, which you don't have to buy as a set, but we guess some people probably do. Also Rebecca is still updating "aprons" and "shot glass duos" so be on the lookout for those.

Hooray, three cheers for Kamala Harris, let's go win this motherfucker, OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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